Love and respect in marriage

We are talking about the book of Ephesians, we finished last week in Ephesians 5 talking about the life filled with the Holy Spirit, an anointed life because the days are bad and we have to walk with intentionality because otherwise, if we fall asleep we fly like that shrimp asleep. Amen.

We have to purposefully seek God with a spirit of worship, sing to the Lord, here in church and also in daily life. Also a thanksgiving that the complaint turns off the anointing and we want to live grateful.

The last is to submit to each other out of reverence for the Lord. It says in Ephesians 5, you see 21, "submit to one another in the fear of God." live a respectful life of the people around. Then he talks about how to demonstrate his mission and respect at home between spouses, with parents and children and also in the workplace, also with masters and servants, which means living a life of reverence for the Lord in my dealings with others. . So this is why today we are going to talk specifically about marriage.

I know that I am entering super delicate lands because many of you have already passed Valentine's Day, I had my birthday and no more, or perhaps singles who are saying, Valentine's Day has passed and you are about to forget it, you are already talking about this again. Also when we talk about relationships at home we often touch areas of great pain, of deep wounds that we all have in some way. And I know that we are entering sacred ground.

But thank God his word is the word of life. his word is for all of us. What we are going to talk about today is not only for the married, because there are people, many single people in our congregation called by the Lord who are not married at this time. I want you to know that this word is also for you because maybe you know someone who is married, maybe you know someone and God can use you to help them lead a life according to the word of God.

Many times it is the friends who do more harm than good. One complains, my wife did this and that. And the man, the friend says, well, you have to teach him who is the head of the house. And gives advice that does more harm than good. So this word is for all of us who want to promote peace and blessing in society and especially in the church.

I was touched when we were praying today for what happened in Florida. I have not studied the specific case of the young man who committed this horrible crime, but I can imagine that he did not come from a healthy home. We want when we encourage wives and husbands to walk according to the word of God, we bless society and also promote an anointing in the church because that is part of walking under the anointing of the Holy Spirit.

But more than that, this word is for everyone, married and single, because all of us, single, married, male or female, are part of the bride of Christ. We are living in prophetic times when God is preparing a bride for the last days, for her return to this world. And I believe, I agree with what the pastor is feeling, that we are on the threshold of something special, to the point of living a new era in the church.

God is preparing a glorious bride. And although this word has its direct application to people, men and women, it also applies to all of us if we have a heart to listen to what the spirit tells us. So we pray and ask God for wisdom. Pray with me, Father, in the name of Jesus, I ask you Holy Spirit to speak to us today words of life, words of your word, words of advice. I ask you, Lord, that you, like the good shepherd, have an encounter with us in this dialogue that we are going to have. Bless this word, I ask you in the name of Jesus. Amen.

The submission. Let's start with Ephesians 5, verse 21 onwards, it says the following:

“Submit yourselves to one another in the fear of God. Wives are subject to their own husbands as to the Lord because the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, which is his body and he is his savior. So just as the church is subject to Christ, so are married women to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to sanctify her, having cleansed her with the washing of water by the word, in order to present her to himself a glorious church without spot or stain. wrinkle or any such thing, but that it be holy and without blemish. So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself because no one ever hated his own flesh but rather sustains and cares for it as Christ does the church. Because we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones, and for this reason a man will leave his father, his mother, he will join his wife, and the two will be one flesh. Great is this mystery, but I say this regarding Christ and the church. For the rest, each one of you also loves his wife as himself. The wife respects her husband."

May the Lord bless his word. The submission. How many like this word? Some say yes and I will not doubt its veracity. For many, this arouses all kinds of anxiety because in this world we have often learned that those who have power abuse those who are under their authority. How many have experienced this in society, at work? And for this reason we have to know that we serve a God who in Christ can change everything differently and make everything new in him.

Jesus said that the heads of the Gentiles should have dominion over each other, impose themselves on each other, and he says, not so with you. With you everything will be different. The one who wants to be great among you will be the last. The one who wants to be the biggest is going to be the smallest. The one who has authority as the one who serves, so it is all different in Christ what we are going to talk about.

The Lord turns everything upside down for the best because we live in a crazy and crazy world. So let's prepare for a different perspective that the Lord has for us. And I want to say something also beginning, curing ourselves in health, that submission is not the same as... submitting is not allowing yourself to be abused by another person or by society. This is not your Christian mission.

John the Baptist spoke some very strong words to Herod for his sin. He was not so submissive that he did not dare to tell him his sin. Jesus did not submit to the sin of the Pharisees. Sometimes we have to be rebellious against evil. Submission is never accepting evil and collaborating with sin in society.

I thank God for some Christians submissive to Christ but rebellious to the sin of society that happened in this country 150 years ago. Slavery existed in this country and there were Christians here in the city of Boston who under a tremendous revival knew that the Christian should not submit to slavery. This is not god's. and they were praying to change society. Here in the same Tremont Temple they prayed and there were changes when the freedom of the slaves was declared and the civil war was fought.

Sometimes we have to be rebellious against sin. Submissive to the Lord but rebellious against sin but with a respectful and honest heart towards others. Martin Luther King is an excellent example of that. he was talking about mild non-cooperation. To be a man of peace but a firm man, a man who says yes to the Lord and loves others but also denies obeying a sinful law. So we're not talking about always saying yes, yes, yes to everything because I'm a submissive person. This is not submission, this is weakness.

Submission to the Lord is something quite different. Submission to the proper human being is also a very different thing. And we're going to talk about that. I also want to say that Christian submission is never an excuse to let yourself be abused by another person. Sometimes some well-intentioned pastors teach a physically abused woman that she has to submit to the abuse because the word says so. That's not what the word says.

The word speaks of submission in a Christian context and we are going to talk about what it means, but it never means accepting that someone treats you as less than a human being. Submission is not submitting to abuse or infidelity. If one accepts evil and submits it, submits to evil, it becomes a habit that is almost impossible to stop because there comes a cycle of evil.

In everything that we are going to talk about today, I do not want anyone to take what we are going to talk about as a justification for letting themselves be in an abusive situation. This is not advice from the word of God or from this church. Amen. It is very important to say. And we understand that marriage is a very delicate area for everyone and very personal.

I remember when I went with my fiancée, at that time, 15 years ago, for pre-marital counseling. Some here have done it? We have some fantastic, phenomenal pre-marital counselors here. But I went to one that was in another state because I lived in California and there at the appointment with the pastor I sat there feeling so uncomfortable, so exposed, and I felt so vulnerable because there is nothing more intimate and personal than family, one's marriage.

So the Lord taught me, well, don't forget about that, the next time a couple comes to talk to you remember what it's like to be on the other side of the conversation so that we always have respect and know that we are on holy ground when we are talking about a person's family or marriage. So I understand that we are talking about something super sensitive, super important and personal for everyone. So we do it with a lot of respect.

Submission. So what does submission mean? Some read that and say, looking at verse 21, “submit to one another in the fear of God,” and they emphasize that this is their mission among all of us, that we all have to submit to one another. “Submit yourselves to one another in the fear of Jehovah.” And I think there is a lot of truth in that.

That is a context that we are all in this together, and some emphasize that, but if it says that they all have to submit, then it also says wives to husbands, children to parents, and servants to their masters. Let's talk about that another day, what does it all mean.

So there is an order at work, in the family and in society and the Christian has to adjust to that and submit. And some take that and say that thus the husband is in charge of the house and that everyone there has to abide by what he says. And we are going to see that this can be a not so correct interpretation according to the word because many complications sometimes come with it.

So I would like to propose a reading of this text that I call complementary fellowship. That man and woman are not like father and son, they are not like master and employee and servant. Look with me at verse 33, where it says the following, “Furthermore, each of you should also love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.”

Then in 6:1 it says, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." Children are called to obey parents. Wives are called to respect the husband, because the wife is not a girl, she is an adult, she is a person who is not a child.

Then he says that, in verse 6:5; "Servants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling." Serfs have to obey their masters, their bosses. If you have a boss who asks you to do something if you want a job you have to obey. But the wife is called to respect her husband because the wife is not a servant, she is a partner. It is a complementary companion.

In our society many times they want to change the differences between men and women. It means that the human race is inventing, it is a social invention and they underestimate the differences between male and female. Society wants to invent, wants to change the differences between men and women. Christians believe that God made us female and male, man and woman, and the differences are not bad, they are good, thank God.

We don't want everyone to be the same. We want to be who God has made us to be. And there is a complementary relationship between the two, they are different, they have different needs. Look at what it says in 5:33 again, it says: "For the rest, each of you also love his wife as himself and the wife respect her husband."

One question, it says that the man has to love the wife and the wife has to respect the husband, why doesn't it say that the wife has to love her husband too? The wife has to love him? And why doesn't it say that a man should respect his wife? Should you respect her? Why don't you say it? Why do you say men love, women respect? I believe, and I have always believed, that God does not make mistakes, that this is here on purpose because God knows what a man needs and what a woman needs, that even more than tenderness and love, man needs to be respected to be happy and to fulfill what God has given him.

The woman, of course, must be respected, of course, but she wants, longs to be loved, valued as a jewel of great value. Men, love them, women, respect them. It is what they need. He is not talking here so much about a chain of authority but about a dance that each one has its different steps. It's a dance. If you don't recognize that there are different steps, they climb over each other and end up dancing like I dance and you don't want this. Each one has his step, his part, give and receive, give and take. Initiative and response.

It is not command and control, but initiative and response. We are not the same. I refuse to accept that there is no difference between man and woman. We're different. There are different roles. The word of God has a wisdom that is beyond society, it lasts forever. That there is a dance that the Lord wants to teach us. But we are equal in the process. The two are adults, companions, complementary.

The husband plays the role in the head dance, as Christ is the head. Look with me, verse 22 says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, which is his body."

What does it mean that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church? It means that he is, as it is said in English, he is the brains of the operation, he is the brain of the family? If so, we're in big trouble at my house. It means that he is the boss of the business, he makes the decisions and the others must obey. I propose that we are called to be heads, not stubborn, amen, there is a difference.

But we have to look at what is the relationship of Christ in the church. Christ, he is the king of the church, right? He is the king. He's the captain of the church, right? As members of his kingdom we are responsible to obey him without question. Amen. He is the king. When it says that Christ is the head of the church it means that Christ is the king of the church.

Look what it says, “Christ is the head of the church which is his body,” and let's read the rest of the verse, he is her king, does it say this? It says, "He is your savior." Anyone reading this text in the ancient world would have said, but how is it going to be? He is the head of the church, he is the king, he is the boss, he is the captain. This would have been natural. The word head is thus used in the Book of Ephesians, that Christ is exalted above all principality and power and has been given a name above all names and has been made head over all the universe for his church.

You expect him to say that he is the head, he is the king. But that's not how the word says in this case. It is that he is the king, this is true. That's what I would expect him to say. It was normal at that time for the man to be the king of the house, normal. At that time women had no rights, they were like property. They did not go to school very often and one would expect him to say that man is the king of the house as Christ is the king of the church, but the word of God does not say so. It says, "Christ is the head of the church which is his body and he is its savior."

The example for man is not Christ reigning on a throne but Christ carrying a cross, giving his life for the welfare of his church. The example that the word of God gives us of being the head for man is not to be like Christ in his glorification but to imitate Jesus in his humiliation. The example in the word of God is not about making all the decisions in the house but taking the initiative to serve and promote the well-being of the family as Christ did when he gave himself up for his bride. Not wearing a crown but carrying a cross.

Brothers, you are called to take up your cross and be like Christ delivered, a sacrificial servant for the welfare of his house. Jesus gives us the perfect example on the cross and he lived it in daily life with his Apostles. When did Jesus show himself a servant to his Apostles? One can say every day, right? but there was a moment before dinner, what did Jesus do? He took his cloak of dignity, grabbed the towel, filled a basin full of water, knelt down and washed those disgusting feet of some fishermen walking in the filth of the streets of Jerusalem at that time. This is ugly. Jesus took the lowest place to serve his 12.

This is the example for the man of the house, to be like him, to wash his wife's feet, to be the head as Christ was the head, a dedicated savior, helpful to his people. Do the dirty work. His job is not… his role as man of the house is not to command but to serve, it is not to control but to give himself for the good of his home. This is a man who is the leader of his family. It is love and delivery.

Now, many times we think that certain jobs are for men and other jobs are for women. Wash dishes, the word says in the book of Ephesians 5:10, that the woman wash the dishes. Amen. And let the man cut the grass. Certain things are not in the word of God, brothers. Washing the dishes is like washing feet, changing diapers, ah, it's a woman's job, it's because what she wants is a husband who washes the dishes, who changes the diapers. No, I am a man. Under my dignity… no, no, washing feet was under the dignity of Jesus. He knew that it came from God that he was returning to God and it did not degrade him at all to take a position of service to his people.

A real man can do any job out of love for his family. I'm listening to a lot of female amens. So we started talking about submission. What does it mean to submit to this kind of leadership, to be the head? What does it mean to submit to that? Think about it.

Peter, when Jesus was washing the feet of the Apostles, when he was washing their feet, when he came to Peter, what did he say, Peter? Lord, are you going to wash my feet? Jesus says, "You don't understand that now but later you will." And then he says, "You're never going to wash my feet." Jesus says, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with me."

To submit is to let him wash your feet, let him take care of you, let him love you, let him serve you to the best of his ability. Let him do it. But I don't need a man, I can do it by myself. Okay, maybe yes, if you're single, yes you can do it. The Lord has given you that strength and you are not half orange or anything, you are complete. You are not half of anything. You are there in the Lord, it doesn't have to feel that way. But if you're married you have to let me wash your feet. It's not so easy sometimes, because you feel self-sufficient, I know better than you, I can do that. Look, let me help, let me serve you. You have to let it serve you, take care of you. With some key attitude once again, Ephesians 5:33:

"For the rest, each of you also love his wife as himself and the wife respect her husband."

Submission is expressed with respect for the man, so the man, respect him, look at him well, does not have to obey as if he were a child or a slave, but as a woman of God, God has called you to express respect for your husband and express it with everything you have. Because he is trying to fulfill the role of Jesus by caring and loving his home. Some wives will tell me, “But he's not Jesus. If it's Jesus I respect, he's not Jesus." It is true, he is not Jesus, he is a human being, a human being with flaws and problems and if you keep reminding him of that, he will never fulfill the role that God has given him. Man needs respect like oxygen for his soul, he needs it to fulfill the role that God has given him.

The man longs to feel significant, effective, admired and respected by his woman. And the woman has a unique power to make him feel like a winner, better than Tom Brady, much better. Look, leave them, honor them, encourage them. There is nothing that cheers up a man more than feeling that he has made his wife happy. Wow! It feels good, I got snow out of the car. I did something right. Wow!

It's not raising his pride, it's letting him be your hero in the little things in life. When he takes out the trash, and I'm not speaking in tongues, when he does it you don't have to say, “Oh, you finally did it.” It was a good thing you did that. You made that garbage. Lack of respect discourages a man, how it deflates him, drains him of strength. The constant criticism, the negative comparisons to other men, "Look, why don't you ever do that the way it's done there?" talking about it, putting it down as if it were a child, insults, criticism, "You never... finally..." none of this is from God and discourages him, embarrasses him, makes him feel...

Look, if I can't do anything right, then why try, why bother if nothing I do is going to be enough, why bother, it's not going to work anyway. He gets discouraged. So respect it.

Some say, but hey, if he loved me like Christ loves the church then I respect him. Sisters, respect it because God commands you to do it. Respect him, not because he deserves it but out of fear of Jehovah. And it will work, it will be like medicine and oxygen for your soul. Respect it by faith. I respect him by faith. Call things that are not as if they were. lift it up Thank you, express appreciation. Thank you for what you did, you made me feel happy when you did it. Thank you. That he can be significant in your eyes, that he is the hero of the house even in the little things, that you admire him and that you believe in him and are with him.

Wow! If you do, believe me, he will cheer up. He will want to, because that is motivation in life. That he can win with you. And men, get your act together and love your wives. You've got to do your job. You are called to love her, not to command her, not to control her, not to oppress her, to love her as Christ loved the church. Amala, after 35 years, maybe you told her, well, if something changes I'll let you know. But not. You have to notify him every day. You have to remember it every day. Decisions, I believe, should be shared in a couple because this shows love and care. I am not going to make the decisions for him or her, we are going to share it, but your call is to love her.

Some say, okay, I can do all that if she respects me, then yes I will. Your call is to love her as Christ loved the church. Did Christ wait for us to respect him before loving us? What does the word of God say? but God demonstrates his love for us in this, even though we were sinners Christ died for us. Even if she is not expressing respect, your role, your calling is love. Love her, value her, treasure her, that she feels valued, important.

Learn your love language. Learn what it means to her? How many here have read "The 5 Love Languages"? Not bad. Everyone must read it at some point, married, single, must read it. This book says, the argument of the book is that love is a decision by faith, but emotional love is received in different ways. That what makes you feel loved or loved may be different for me. We all have our own love language. For some, a little gift, a detail means, you were thinking of me. Thanks, it means a lot.

I know a girl, my niece, who I gave her a ball from Guatemala, she slept with the ball from Guatemala because my uncle was thinking of me. The little gift There are others who for them expressive words of love, words of affirmation and encouragement. I'm not going to show it off here and embarrass everyone, I don't do it right. But express words. Others, physical touch, a touch of affection makes the person feel loved. For others, none of that, they need quality time with a person to feel important and cared for. And finally there is another language that is acts of service. I cook you something nice or I clean something for you.

There's the book Gary Chapman. I went to a congress given by him and his wife with the other pastors and wives. And in this presentation I got confused and I talked to Kenneth, and we went to talk to him and I asked him, “What do I do if my wife needs all 5 but overdoses? What do I do in this case? I'm screwed, there's nothing else." And he said, “Okay, maybe you think she needs everything, all the time, but no, there are certain preferences that she needs and it's up to you to learn what she needs. This is your job.”

Men, you have to learn it, you have to research it, it's your job. And when you learn what you need, and it is very important because otherwise there can be very ugly misunderstandings. For example, if the wife needs quality time and the husband thinks she needs gifts, watch what happens. Maybe he's busy working all week and then comes home with roses and chocolates. She says, “Look, I haven't seen you for two weeks and you're here trying to buy my love. I don't want your little flowers."

And he, look, what do I do with that woman? I bought her little flowers, and what's up? It's not enough for her. It's not that flowers aren't pretty, but she needs time with you more than flowers. Could be. Some perhaps, he needs words of encouragement and you come from a house perhaps, where things are not said, where not much is expressed verbally. Or maybe you are a man of few words and your wife wants you to be Pablo Neruda. What are you going to do? You are going to buy a book of poetry by Pablo Neruda and you are going to copy it on a card and you are going to learn. Because she needs. But I'm going to make it ugly, I'm going to make it bad. Do the best you can. Nothing is worse. Can it be worse than it already is? Nothing is worse. At least try, try, do your best.

And, woman, please respect, value his weak and ugly attempts because he is trying. Thank him. The best thing you could do is copy that from Pablo Neruda because the pastor told you and I don't want to… Look, he is trying. He's trying, please give him a chance, please. Love her, learn her love language. Show that she is number 1 in your affection and your heart. Express that she is valuable to you.

I heard some testimonies from some brothers, I remember a wife spoke at a funeral, she says, "My husband, he doesn't like coffee at all, but every day he had coffee prepared for me the way I like it." How nice. detail of love Other things, the little message during the day, the call. If she needs that, if it's going to make her feel important, do it. But I'm busy, I have work. Look, do it if she needs it. Love her as Christ loved the church, as your own body.

Look what it says, "he who loves his wife loves himself," because if you don't love her you suffer. He loves himself. You are the same, you are together, you are united and that love bounces back and there is a blessing together.

But brothers, submission, something else I want to tell you about love. The love of the man as head of the house does not feel threatened when the woman shines in Christ. On the contrary, submission is that she can fulfill all that God has for her. Look what he says in verse 25:

“Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to sanctify her, having cleansed her with the washing of water by the word – referring to foot washing – in order to present her to himself as a woman. glorious church, that had no spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, but was holy and without blemish. So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

Brothers, Christ wants to love us so that the church may be glorious. And you, as the man of the house, if you do your job, you will be like the stand so that the wife is a jewel that shines in the light of Christ. I really like to see some men married to women who have a gift of leadership, and by the way, I believe that nothing here says that a woman cannot be a leader, that she cannot be a pastor, that she cannot preach. On the contrary, I know men married to women who have the gift of preaching and when she is there preaching, the man knows, I did my job, because she is fulfilling what God has given her and I want her to be successful in everything that touch.

And this doesn't put the man down, it makes him feel, I complied, look at her, she's doing well. I helped her to do it and it is my love that helped her to achieve all that God has for her.

Brothers, Christ is like that with us and that is how I want to end with this message that I feel is a prophetic message for us. Christ is committed to us as his bride in this age more than ever. We are already holy by the blood of Christ, but what's more, you have to wash your feet. Washing of water by the word of God. God is preparing a glorious bride for the last days.

And brother, sister, single, single, married, someone who has suffered in marriage or not, I want your eyes to be not on this world but on your spiritual boyfriend, Christ. Christ, Christ. He wants to, he loves you more than you can imagine and he is inviting you to enjoy a honeymoon with him like never before, brothers. that is a little more complicated for men to identify with that, but we are part of that, because together, together there is a God who wants to marry us. There is a God who has chosen us as a holy nation, as a chosen and special people of all the peoples in the world, who loves you, has chosen you and is preparing you so that you can be a glorious bride before him.

Brethren, we are entering a new season of intimacy with our spirit boyfriend. And this is why earthly marriages are so important, because they are prophetic models of what God wants to do in the spirit today, brothers. We are a prophetic people. The marriage, let it be the prophetic marriage, a declaration of what God wants to do in these days.

Lion of Judah, are you willing to submit to your boyfriend? Are you willing to receive the care that he wants to do in your life? If you have been hurt and the things we have talked about are reminding you of the wounds you have had, of things that have happened that you wish had not happened, now is the time to raise your eyes to Jesus, to know that his blood has forgiven everything, has cleaned everything. In Christ, with your boyfriend, you can have a fresh start today.

Brothers, God is inviting us, how are we going to respond? I want us to say yes, to receive the love that he has for us. I invite you to stand up and we are going to pray and we are going to sing something now. And I want us to stay here for that prayer. If anyone wants to come forward during that song or to receive Christ, or to receive prayer, they may do so, please in confidence.

We pray, Father, in the name of Jesus, Lord I present to you, Father, all the brothers and sisters of this church and Lord, especially the married couples. Lord, I ask you in the name of Jesus, Father, that there be new love every day. Thank you, Father, that it is never too late, Lord, for a new beginning, Lord, it is never too late to start loving her. It is never too late to start respecting him.

Father, I pray for marriages reborn between us, Lord, for marriages revived with a new love and respect. Father, I ask you for those who have suffered, who have ugly memories. Father, I ask you in the name of Jesus to go deep into these memories with a healing that only you can do, Lord, and that you heal the deep wounds between us, Lord, that we know that in your love all things are made new, Lord.

Father, I ask you for us as a church, Lord, you are the boyfriend that your church is looking for and we tell you, Lord, put us like a seal on your arm because love, Lord, is like thunder, like many fires and many waters. Father, may we fall in love with you like never before, Lord, may we respond to your love, Father, like a blessed bride, a bride in love with you, Lord.