Before there is a us, there is a me (part 1)

The theme for today is, “Before there is a we, there is a me.” And even if you are already a we, you are still a me. And sometimes we focus and worry so much about the we, we, we, that we forget about the me, me, me. Today, even if you are single, engaged or already married, or whatever, it is God's will that we leave this place determined that we are going to take care of ourselves, because if we don't, no one else is going to, not your friends. not your husband, not your children, not your neighbor, not your supervisor at work, you have to be yourself taking care of yourself.

Before he sits down, tell two or three, “Today I am going to take care of myself. Today is all about me. When I leave here today, I am determined to take care of self. From this point on, it's about me, me, because this is what God wants me to do." Amen.

You can sit down, if you want to stand up, that's fine with me. I worked in the New York public school system of education for 33 years, and sometimes I had to teach with kids sitting down, kids standing up, students running around, talking, chewing gum, talking back to the teacher, if you get used to that. you can minister in any capacity. If you can do it in the Bronx you can do it anywhere. Amen. If you can do it in Boston you can do it anywhere.

I want to talk first about the world's view of what single life is. The single life is still an affair. Some people have problems with single people. If you watch TV shows most of them are people in relationships looking for love. He's got the single guy show and the single girl show, Harry meets Susy, Mr and Mrs Jones, it's all about people in relationships. The books also deal with singles, what do women really want?

Who knows what you want but you? But the world has all these ideas about the single life. Still a well known singer, how many of you know Beyoncé? You know one of her most popular songs is titled “All the Single Women” and throughout the song, what does she say? All the single women… I don't have the body of Beyoncé but you know what [inaudible]. Excuse me brother. The whole song is about that, single women, raise your hands. And then what does he say? Because if you really liked it, you would have put a ring on it.

It's all about being in relationships. There is a problem then with single women. And that is the point of view of the world in which we live. We are surrounded by television, books, songs.

I will share a little of my experience. I have been single for a long time. I have been in relationships. I have been engaged. I left home to get married. God always closed that door at the last minute. Sometimes, but not all, but today was a conference for singles, this had to happen, but many of the places where I go to minister, when they introduce me what they say is the following: Today we have the Reverend Lilian Gutierrez, from the Bronx church called Love gospel assembly. She teaches Sunday school, she is a teacher since she retired from the New York education system, she teaches the word of God and she is single.

I am going to ask you three questions. Number one, why did the person have to do that? Think, why did he have to do that? Because it's not there as part of the package, it's just said to last. Why do they have to do that?

Because they might be uncomfortable that I'm a single woman. Maybe curious, maybe they don't agree that I'm a single woman. The second question, what happens to the audience when the person introduces me that way? They're curious, they may wonder, but what's wrong with her? And these days you know the biggest question, will she be a lesbian?

After a service a pastor pulled me to the side, and said, Pastor, can I ask you a personal question? I said, okay, he says, do you like men? And I told him, no pastor, I love them. In fact, I love them too much and that has been my problem. But it's a question that people have.

And now the third question. What do I have to do then when they present me that way? So I have to address that statement. Sometimes I use a sense of humor, I say, “I'm single but I'm still looking. Single with no compromise." I'm not married yet but there is still hope. I have to do that so that people forget that statement and I can minister the word of God. and this is still happening in 2011. People have problems in church and out of church with people who are single.

I want to look at what God has to say about the single life. If you'll go with me to First Corinthians, Chapter 7, we're going to look at verse 1 through 2 and then verse 7 through 9.

There was a problem in the Corinthian church with single people. Paul had to address that problem. If you are there say, “All single women…” Say praise the Lord, thank you Jesus. First Corinthians, Chapter 7, verses 1 and 2, and then verses 7 through 9. They have to have a sense of humor.

When I first became a Christian, I felt that being a Christian woman I had to be so serious, I thought that I couldn't smile, that I couldn't tell a joke, it was killing me. Because my natural personality is a content person, I like to be optimistic. I was always at parties, “Play the music, play the music.” Later I realized that God himself has a sense of humor and the Scripture says that God laughs. I'm sure he laughs at me all the time. And the Scripture also says that a cheerful heart is medicine to the bones.

Scientists and psychologists are also finding out that. When you laugh, in fact even when you smile, the brain releases chemicals that travel to our organs, especially our heart and give it strength. We have to learn to laugh, especially in the world in which we live.

Let's see what Paul says about singles. There was a problem in the church with single life. Paul said:

“… As for the things you wrote to me about… ─ and they wrote to him about that, that there were problems in the church with single people, people who were not getting married, and Paul says ─ … it would be good for a man not to touch a woman. But, because of fornication, each one has his own wife and each one has her own husband..."

Let's move on to verse 7: “… I would rather that all men were like me, but each one has his own gift from God, one in one way and the other in another. So I say to singles and widows, how good it would be for them to stay like me. But if you don't have the gift of continence, get married, because it's better to get married than to be burning..."

I'm tempted to say, burn, burn. It is better to marry than to burn. If you want to get married, get married. And you know what? Marriage is always a possibility. It doesn't matter your age.

I don't know if I shared with you the last time that I have an uncle who worked in a nursing home, his name was Al, and at night, he worked nights, and sometimes he would read the paper at 2 in the morning, and he heard her say, “Al, Al.” He would leave his desk and go to the room where Mrs. Smith was. Mrs. Smith was 95 years old, in her bed was Mr. Jones who was 92, after the man left, he did what he had to do, he couldn't get up to go back to his bed. My uncle had to pick it up and put it back on his bed.

And he would tell us, “Sometimes months would go by and one morning at 2 in the morning while I was reading the newspaper, there was that little voice again, “Al, Al.” The point is this, you are never too old to get married, to fall in love. You are never too old to get into a relationship.

I knew a pastor who got married at the age of 82. she married a younger man. He was 79 and you know, he kept pastoring until she was like 90. It's never too late, brethren. But before we get to us and even if we never get to us, or we get to us later in life, there is always a me that I have to take care of.

Paul says: "... It is good to remain single..."

And the word that he used for good, in the Greek is the word kalon and it means, "worthy, acceptable, a pleasant person, optional, dignified." What Paul was saying to those in the church who were single, to those who wanted to stay single, it is acceptable, it is preferable, it is their choice, it is pleasurable, and something worthy of dignity. No better or worse than those who are married.

As a single person, we are not second class citizens. We are no less than those who have families or husbands. Let's take care of me and dignify the self and know that the self is important to God. and in fact, me has the best husband I could ever find, and his name is Jesus Christ.

I think of the singer's book [inaudible]. There are many interpretations of that book. It is about love and relationships. Some don't like to touch that book because it talks about sucking on the breasts. But there is a lot of symbolism there, and one interpretation of that book is that Solomon took that Shunammite woman against her will, because she had a boyfriend, she had someone she loved, but the king wanted her and he took her to the palace, and she wept and suffered being absent from her beloved.

And I think it is in Chapter 2 that the Lord spoke to him and said the following: "... I saw you when you were in the room crying, I took my finger, moved the curtain to one side, and I saw you crying, and this is what I have to say: Come with me my love, I love you with an eternal love. Even when your boyfriend is not present, you are there against your will, know that I am there with you and I am the best loved one you can have. Even King Solomon, who had thousands of concubines, of all sizes, backgrounds, his conclusion in life was this: after all these women, your kisses, Lord, are better than wine. Because the women kissed him to see what they could receive, but the Lord kissed him to give him what he needed. The best kiss you can receive is the kiss that the Lord gives you, the best hug you can receive is the hug that the Lord can give you. The best companion in the night is the Lord Jesus Christ.

When I go to bed at night one of the last things I say, "Good night, Jesus." And when I get up in the morning one of the first things I say, “Good morning, Lord. It's been a good night with you. Thank you for getting me up this morning."

If you look in the Scripture there are many singles in the Scripture, Old and New Testament. The Apostle Paul himself, it was never known if he was single, married. The point is that he remained single whether he was married in the past or not. Jeremiah was single, Daniel was single, Hezekiah was single, Josea was single, María and Marta were also single women. There are many biblical examples of a single life and it is something that we must accept, dignify and live it to its full potential.

Harold Smith who works in singles ministries wrote a book “Positively Single” and in this book he identifies four categories or four ways of thinking that some of us can fall into if we are not careful, especially because of the environment we are in.

The first one he mentions he calls ark thought. why ark? What does the ark symbolize? Do you remember Noah in the ark? Family. Some people, some single, in church and out of church, their mind is in the ark, in the family. I have to get married, I have to have children, I have to have a home, I have to. Some of us from the time we are born, especially certain cultures, especially our Latino culture, many times mothers call their daughters 'mamita', and their sons 'daddy', it is something cultural but it is unconscious from the moment they are born you put it in their consciousness and subconscious mommy, mommy, mommy and daddy, father. It's in the person and it's something difficult to be able to get out of sometimes. And then society also feeds it, your family also feeds it. I still have family that says to me, “Well, when are you going to get married? You're getting old. You're not going to be able to handle a husband. You have to hurry."

I still deal with it. In the churches in the world, also in the church we have to deal with that. But they tell him, we have to shake that off because whether or not I'm part of a family, I'm still important enough to God that I also have to dignify myself. Whether I'm in an ark or not, I'm still a dignified woman, a single woman of God, and I don't need anything.

After all Jesus says, “seek first the kingdom and his righteousness and all other things will be added.” And if God has someone for you, brothers, God is going to send that person when you least expect it.

I had a friend who was always looking for her husband, and whenever she went to church she would say, I have to dress up because maybe tonight is the night. I went to every event I was invited to, singles cruises, singles fellowship, singles breakfast, and nothing happened. One Saturday morning, she was in her robe, she had rollers in her hair, and she was sweeping the front of her house, and a car pulled up and the gentleman said, "Look, can you give me directions, I need to get to this address." .” To make a long story short, that was her husband.

The day she had no makeup, rollers in her hair, a robe, old flip-flops, and she was sweeping the front of her house, that was the day the Lord sent her husband. He got to see who she truly was. When she put on makeup he told her, "Wow, you're beautiful!"

We have to avoid this ark thinking. Brethren, come out of the ark. Let the ark go down the river and be a single woman worthy of God.

The second system that he mentions, he calls ash thinking. why ashes? What do the ashes represent? Grief, guilt, living in the past, that pain, oh, I should have done this, or done that, never got involved with that one, or never married this one, or never divorced the other. And many live their lives in ashes, always living in the past. That's such a big bind.

Because the word of God says, “He whom the son sets free will be free indeed.” Which means that when Christ sets you free, he sets you free completely, therefore the past is behind.

Paul told the Philippian church, “I am not where I should be, I am not perfect, but one thing I am determined to do, leaving everything behind and moving on to what God has ahead of me.”

Forget about your previous boyfriend, forget about the one who abused you, used you, forget about your father who perhaps sexually abused you, because these are ties that keep us in the past. We are not called to be victims but victorious over what we suffer.

Do you know what the truth is? in one way or another, all of us have been victims, someone said something to us that we shouldn't, people did something to us that they shouldn't have done, maybe your mom didn't give you enough kisses, maybe your dad left your mom when you were a girl, maybe the frog you kissed never became a prince. Forget about the past. We live in a new day and the blood of Christ has the power to transform, it has the power to erase every mistake you made in the past, everything that was done or said against you, and God wants us to live in the present and look forward. the morning.

Remove the ashes. Isaiah said, "He will give you a praise garment instead of the ashes of mourning." It is time that we stop mourning and that we walk in the joy of God, and know that in Christ I am a complete woman, a worthy woman, a woman who has honor and deserves respect. It doesn't matter where I've been, what matters is where I stand today and where tomorrow will take me. Let go of the past, forget the memories because God is doing something new.

The third way of thinking he calls monkey thinking. And why monkey? What do monkeys like to do? They like to imitate and copy others. That gives us a spirit of competition because if so-and-so is involved, or so-and-so got married, well I have to do it too. And we strive to be like the rest. We must not do like others but what God wants us to be.

They did a survey of young Christians and the question was: if you could be anyone else, who would you like to be? Do you know what the surprising result was? Many chose to be Hollywood stars, politicians. They wanted to be Oprah, Jane Fonda, Clint Eastwood, Eddie Murphy, Denzel Washington, I can understand that. And you know who else? And this is a statement from women and the church. Do you know who the girls wanted to be? She wants to be Lady Gaga. That is a sad statement. These are your daughters, your nieces, your granddaughters, the young woman in the church, this was done with single Christian women, not from the world. They want to be Lady Gaga, who shows up in a bra and panties and suits with next to nothing, and people want to be like these people.

Ephesians says in Chapter 5, “Be imitators of God himself. Do not imitate man, imitate God himself."

Paul told believers, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ. The day I stop imitating Christ, don't imitate me anymore."

And the best model we have is the Lord Jesus Christ himself. If there is someone that I aspire to be like, it is not Oprah, it is not Lady Gaga, it is not Hillary Clinton, it is not even my mother, and I love my mother, I want to be like the Lord Jesus Christ, because she is the maximum model. Strive to be like Jesus.

The last thought he puts as a title, the thought of asking. Because? Ask for more and more and more. Our culture is fed by selfishness, one is greedy, I want more, I want more, I want a bigger house, a bigger car, more expensive shoes, I want a Coach bag, I want Manolo shoes, I want to be shopping in Anne Klein, I only shop at Anne Taylor. It's I want more, give me this, give me that, and many times you look at your husband or your boyfriend, and maybe one day you say, “I want a better man. I want a more attractive husband. I want a richer husband”, because this is the thought in which we have fallen.

Pablo says, "I have learned to be happy in whatever state I am in, I have a lot or I have little, I am feeling well or sick, I have many friends or not, I am happy in the place where I am, because my satisfaction is in Christ Jesus.”

During the 60's, 70's I was a hippie, I went to all the rock concerts and one of my favorite groups that are still alive, the Rolling Stones. I thought Mick Jagger was the sexiest man, I loved his big lips. But one of the songs that he sang, that he's still singing, he's in his 60s, he's all wrinkled up, but he still sings the same song, and the song is "I can't get no satisfaction," I've tried, I've tried but I can't get no satisfaction.

Because? He tried drugs, alcohol, women, men, he's tried fame, also mansions, everything the world has to offer and still he sings I can't find satisfaction. Because? Because he has not found Jesus Christ.

This is what Jesus said to the Samaritan woman at the well. You remember that he said, "Go and find your husband" and she said, "I don't have a husband." She said, “Well said now because you've had all these men and you're still not satisfied. You had five husbands, you are with number 6, but here I have something to tell you today, number 7 is on stage and number 7 is the number of perfection."

In other words, what Jesus was saying to that woman, everything you've been looking for in 6 men, that you haven't found yet, you're going to find today in me, because I'm the only one who can satisfy what you need. Only Jesus can satisfy your soul. No matter what you are looking for, ask for a bigger house, shoes, you will never find true satisfaction outside of Jesus.

We have to come to that realization, so then we won't get frustrated, stuffing ourselves with this and that instead of ministering to self. We sing that song of worship, Jesus coming into your spirit, living in you.

I don't know about you, but when I think that the God of the universe dwells in me, a sinner, it blows my mind that God takes time for me, someone who didn't want to know about God.

Almost everyone knows my testimony, I laughed at the things of God. I used to tell my mom that these things about Jesus are for ignorant people, people who have nothing else to do than sit in a church, but there was my mother one day, you are going to find that Jesus, and I still laughed and I did so many things, I lived in Europe, I was a hippie, I went to California, I decided to buy a liquor store to make money, but one day, I fell down and bowed my knees before Jesus Christ and that was the day my soul was satisfied. It's been 30 years now, I have no regrets, I gave everything, I left everything, the liquor store, the money, the rich boyfriend, Lord... I left everything and I have not regretted it because with what Jesus gave me, no man gave it to me. could give. No liquor, no party, no drugs, nothing.

When I ask, I ask for more of him. That's the only thing I want more of, more and more of Jesus. I want more of him.

We have to get out of those systems of thought, and I know it's difficult because I remember that when I was still teaching, many times in the cafeteria the teachers would sit and everyone would talk about the date they had gone on and the men they had met on the internet. , who she was talking to, or who they met on Facebook.

In fact, this morning when I was getting ready I turned on the news and saw that in Boston there was a special group for Boston singles. It's about all 25,000 singles out there. Call the number and you can join singles activities throughout the city, have dinner, dance and this is what we are about.

I know it's hard because I've been there but God will give you the strength to do it, to stay on course and not get pulled into your thinking, so you don't live in frustration and disappointment.

I remember, a long time ago, someone made me a blind date, because you know that beauty is in the eyes of the person who sees it. He told me, "This man is handsome, he looks like Enrique Iglesias." I said wow, and she said, "He has money, he has a good job, he has a condo, he has a nice car, he loves to dine at good restaurants." And I said, okay, I agree to go, and at the time I was not a Christian, he came to the house and he came with a bottle of champagne. As soon as I opened the door I said, "He is no Enrique Iglesias." I'm already stuck here so let me get on with the quote. "Let's open the bottle of champagne and have a drink before we go out."

He opened the bottle of champagne and I guess he had shaken the bag a lot going up, when he opened it the champagne exploded all over the place and fell all over his hair. I looked for a piece of paper to dry her hair. It was a toupee that began to move. I screamed and not only that, the paper cap got stuck in the cheap wig. I dated a man with a wig that had pieces of tissue paper on it. It was the worst date of my life. It was the last blind date I went on.

We don't have to put ourselves in that situation, because I am a worthy woman. Pablo said that it is good for one to remain single. Being single is something good, it is something pleasant, it is something that dignifies, it is something worthwhile, it is honorable in the eyes of God to be a single person.

One thing, when I say feeding the self so that I can be balanced, so as not to allow myself to be frustrated, or anxious, or depressed, there are certain needs that we all have as human beings, whether single, divorced, married, old, young, male. , woman, no matter your gender or your age, we all have basic human needs.

Abraham Maslow, who was a behavioral psychologist, identified needs that we all have and the focus was that if we do not satisfy these needs and we do not develop the person, we do not build the self, then we see that we are missing something, we feel less than others , or frustrated or anxious.

The first need that he identified that we all have are physical needs. What's that? It is the need for clothing, food, a house, rest, taking care of the body. And as single people we leave out those areas of our lives and then we have no balance. We have to focus on who we are and meet our physical needs. And how can we achieve it? We make up for it with a job, being independent, being self-sufficient, having your own home, apartment, taking care of yourself, eating well. Food has a lot to do with our emotions. Certain foods we eat make us emotionally unbalanced. A diet that is healthy, and I don't follow it all the time, I like sweets, ice cream, cookies, but as soon as I get that need for sugar, I'm in trouble. That is why we have to be careful with what we eat because it affects the emotional person.

Sleep affects you and lack of sleep is not very healthy for you, because when we are not strong enough emotionally, this is the moment when the world attracts us a lot, it is when the enemy knows that we are in a weak moment, and he begins to put thoughts in our heads. And we start saying, “You're 42 and still single. Look at all the wrinkles in the mirror. Look at your tummy how it hangs on you. Also look at how your breasts hang and you need a stronger bra.” And we start to entertain all these things and it makes us have an unhealthy life. We have to take care of these needs so that we are balanced.

Another area that he mentions is called care needs, having a safe environment, protection from danger, from illness, whether at home or at work. And how can we achieve that? This is an area that we as singles are lacking in. We have to make sure that we have a support system of our family and friends, and neighbors, and co-workers, people at church, single and not single, so that we feel safe.

I have my own home and when I travel, for the weekend or for a couple of days, I have a neighbor who has the key to my house, I trust her. She opens the mailbox, she picks up the trash on my property, she does a lot of favors for me and that gives me a safety factor. I don't have to worry about my house when I travel. I make sure to set up that security system for myself. And this is what we must do.

We have to have health insurance. We have to know that if we have to go to a doctor, we can go. And if there's an emergency, you have to have numbers of people you can call, whether they're family or friends because when you don't and something happens you start with “Oh, this is because I'm single. I don't have anyone, if I only had a husband, if I only had children, if I only had a family, if I only had the bow…” Then we start feeling sorry for ourselves, instead of consciously starting to set up a security system and In building the I have to be sure that I am protected.

Another area that he identifies, and we'll do a little more of this section this afternoon, he calls the needs for love and belonging. We all need relationships, we all need companionship, we all need love. We were created that way and the two areas that he identifies as building love and belonging, one area is fellowship. The worst thing you can do as a single person is spend too much time alone, because that's when you really get anxious and frustrated and depressed and in fact, Christians suffer from depression. I know that years ago this could not be said in the church. People thought, "Oh, no, a Christian can be depressed." We are not robots we are human like everyone else. And if we don't take care of ourselves we can fall into a depression, especially my sisters, those who are in middle age. I know that many are young, people always see me happy, happy, as soon as I reached menopause, as soon as my hormone levels went up and down, I found myself crying because of anything. I had never been like that. I felt depressed sometimes, everything I heard depressed me, I had to fight with myself to get all that sadness out. We go through these stages in life so the more time you spend sitting alone contemplating who you are, what is happening, what is not happening and the worse you will be then.

You have to have a circle of friends, if there is an outer circle of friends, people you go out to dinner with, people you talk to at work, neighbors, but you also have to have an inner circle of friends, these are the people with which you can share intimate things. And remember that there are some things that you can't share with anyone but God, because not everyone can handle everything.

When couples come to me for counseling, I sometimes have to say to the husband or wife, "You have to pray because you may not be able to share that." Not everyone can accept everything. It is difficult for a man to marry a woman who has been through multiple rapes. It's hard, it's hard. It is also difficult for a woman to date a man who was also raped. There are things that are difficult to share. We have to prayerfully share things with certain people only.

There was a sister who was giving her testimony in a church. Her husband was sitting in the Congregation, she had been unfaithful to her husband and her husband knew it, but in her testimony she said, "I was unfaithful to my husband so many times, I even slept with his own cousin in our own bed." .” Her husband didn't know and he found out about it at church. He got up, dated and got divorced.

We have to be careful with that desire to belong to someone, and to be loved. We have to be careful what we share at certain times and in certain ways. We will talk about communication later.

And in addition to companionship, it talks about love and romance. We all want love and romance. Everyone wants to fall in love. Everyone wants a romantic relationship. It's a natural thing, it's a good thing, our culture feeds it, and the church feeds it too.

Remember the movies, books, songs, but as a single person we have to be very careful with love and romance. And there are certain things that we have to protect by building the self.

The first thing we have to protect I am going to call the door of the eye. This is like a door, it opens to let things in and closes to not allow it. We have to protect what we see. There are certain TV shows that I'm not going to watch because sometimes the sexual environment is too much for me.

Years ago in the novels they kissed and hugged, but it was in a context. But recently, because my parents couldn't go out much, they began to watch these soap operas. And sometimes when I would visit them they would be watching these soap operas. Wow! Some of the scenes were too passionate. My dad passed away in February, he was in a wheelchair and he was sick and he couldn't move much, but certain scenes in those novels I saw my dad's wheelchair move. I said, “Daddy, you shouldn't be looking at that. The Lord doesn't like that." And he told me, “He knows I can't do anything. Can't I see maybe a little bit of that?" I told him, "It's not good for you, it's not healthy."

My sisters, it is not healthy. Certain movies are not healthy. Certain programs are not healthy. Certain books are not healthy to read. Certain magazines are not healthy to look at, because when you open that door of your eye and allow all those messages to come in, suddenly you're going to hear din, din, din. It is dangerous.

Another thing we have to protect is the ear gate, the things we hear, especially music. There are certain songs that I don't like to listen to because they bring back a lot of memories. A song I can't hear is "Hello, who are you waiting for me?" I can't listen to that song, because that song wakes up everything. I can't listen to that song because it brings back things to me. I can't listen to that song because it brings back a lot of memories and awakens everything. Everything I thought was asleep wakes up when I hear that music.

I have to protect myself. Even when I'm in the car I'm better listening to worship music because when I start listening to those old songs, it's not good. So to protect myself and build myself up, to be a healthy single woman, I have to stay away from certain music. "This egg doesn't need salt."

They also have to protect, believe it or not, they also have to protect the door of their nose, because they know that fragrances also enhance our sensuality. That's why they now have an aromatherapy system, because some of these aromas arouse certain things.

Sometimes I have sat in a church and the brother pope walks in front of me and has Armani perfume. And these companies purposely use chemicals in their fragrances because it sparks that sensuality. Someone sometime someone will pass by me, I may be adoring the Lord but when the person passes by me, "Oh, how delicious, my God, that brother smells so good."

Do you remember a few years ago musk was used because they found that the deer, they were trying to do it with humans as well. I make a joke of this but we must be careful.

There are different chemicals and scents that lift and arouse sensual desire. Be careful with what they wear at night because you're going to smell it and you're going to start din, din, din.

Another thing that they have to protect, in addition to the eyes, ears and nose, is touch. We need to be touched, we need to touch people, and we need to be touched too. I like to touch people, I like to kiss. In my family we kiss 20 times, a Puerto Rican greeting. 'Blessing, blessing'. That's how I was raised in my culture but as a single woman, and especially as a pastor and I'm in a big church just like you, many of the brothers come and hug me, but what my old pastor taught me, as a single woman when you go to hug me Give someone a side hug, not a front hug. I learned that there is a lot of truth in that. It's safer to hug someone from the side than to hug someone from the front.

And today, my sisters, it's not just with brothers, there are certain sisters you shouldn't hug face to face. We have to protect ourselves, we are dealing with the self, with reality, that's how we were created. We were created with sensual desires and they are very good in the context of marriage, between a man and a woman. That's how God created it and that's how God likes it.

And you know what else? The door of the mouth, the kisses. Kissing is also dangerous. When young couples come in for counseling, one of the things they ask, "Is a goodnight kiss good then?" "If it would stay like that, it's fine, but when the kiss is longer, deeper, more involved, there is danger in kissing too much." Because kissing is an intimate act.

And Paul said to the Corinthians “I wish they would all stay single. It would be nice if they were all single but I recognize that some have this gift and others have this gift.”

And when Paul talks about the single life as a gift, he says that celibacy is a gift, not many were born with that gift. Most of us do not have the gift of celibacy, but as single Christian women we do have the power of abstinence.

The Holy Spirit gives us the power to abstain. God has given us the power of love, he has given us self-control, he has given us a mind to use wisdom, so I am not going to put myself in a situation with my brother dad alone in a car. I call him brother dad so no one gets offended. If I put myself in a situation where I'm in danger I'm going to be in trouble. I have to get away from certain situations.

I have to watch what I look at and what I hear, what I touch, who I kiss, I have to protect myself. I have to practice self control. They know a good way to handle sexuality that has worked for ages, take a cold shower or sit in a cold bathtub, it's going to freeze everything again. Whatever was on is going to turn off. What was hot is going to get cold.

And I'm going to give you a clue that I heard a psychologist share a long time ago, because a lot of people struggle with dreams or when they're in their bed at night. It's when your single life then becomes a problem. He said, “When you go to bed at night do something simple, make sure you empty your bladder completely, because many times when the bladder is full or almost full, it presses on your sexual organs and wakes them up.

And that is why many times when you are in bed your sexuality awakens or when you fall asleep you have sexual dreams. If something so simple... squeeze the last drop, squeeze it to the last drop. Don't leave even one in there because that little drop can ruin you. That droplet is going to grow into something bigger. It is something very simple. But I always remember that he shared that and I practice it as much as I can.

Another area that he talks about is esteem needs. We all have to have self esteem and it needs to be built up so that we feel worthy. We have to build our level of self-confidence, and we all go through moments when we feel insecure.

People don't believe this when I share it. Every time I get up to preach or teach I get anxious, I still get butterflies in my stomach, my hands get clammy, I get nervous, but as soon as I get up, I trust God to give me the strength to do it.

Paul says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And that strength pushes me forward, I can do everything God asks of me because he himself is going to push me. And when I feel like I can't, God pushes me and says, "Yes, you can." Because with God it is "Yes, you can" because if God wants you to do it, he will equip you to achieve it. I am not here on my own strength, I am here because God asked me to do it, I trust him to help me and he is pushing me to do it.

And like everything in life, everything you have to do, you will do it in the name of Jesus and by the power of his strength you can achieve it. You have to build your own confidence. It's good if you have someone pat you on the back and say, “You're doing great. You can do it." But we don't always have that, we have to comfort ourselves.

King David went through a difficult time in his life. There was no prophet, there was no priest, there was no one to comfort him, so David took his own strength and encouraged himself in the Lord and said, "I will do it because God is with me and will give me the strength to do it."

We have a powerful source, his name is Jesus Christ. We can do whatever we have to do, whether someone is with us or not, the Lord will raise us up. David said, "Though my father and my mother left me, yet the Lord will take me back."

Another thing that we must build is our level of competence. If there is something you want to do, you have to study and prepare. Do you want to stand up and preach? Study the word. Do you want to pray? Get in the presence of God. Do you want to be a worshipper? Worship God. Build your level of competition. Build your own skills.

We all have gifts. Paul said, "Some have these gifts and some have other gifts." We all have gifts and whatever your gift God himself deposited in you, then you have to build it. You have to study and prepare. Go to school, study, read the books, go to sessions, go to seminars, seek everything you can, receive from everyone and build yourself up.

Build your competition with short goals and long goals. For these months I will do this and that, in 5 years I will be in such a place. Set goals because when you reach those goals you will raise your self-confidence.

And another area that as singles and Christians sometimes neglect is your physical appearance. I dress for myself. I buy things that I like for myself. I wear the jewelry that I like. I like the colors that I like to wear. I don't dress for anyone, I dress for myself. I feel comfortable, it makes me feel good, because if you look good you feel good.

You have to look in a mirror and be able to say to yourself, "Baby, you look good!" even if no one else says so. You have to tell yourself. I know this is Boston, you might say "I look great today!" but in the Bronx, “You look so good, baby! You look great!"

You have to build yourself. You have that to yourself. You have to put makeup on yourself. You must dress for yourself. Build your self, because if you like other people you will like it too. Because sometimes single women... like that friend who got dressed to meet her prince charming, and the day she met him she had no makeup, she had curlers in her hair, and dirty flip-flops.

Therefore, what we do for our appearance is for us, because believe me, if you like how you look, you will feel more confident, more competent, more dignified and you will be satisfied with yourself. get ready. She buys the makeup, she buys the nice glasses, dressed well but in the context of her finances. I don't want to put you in debt but I'm not ashamed to tell you this: I shop at K-Mart, I wait for special sales, I do like Anne Taylor, I would love to shop at Calvin Klein, I would love to shop at…., I look in …. And in …. Markets, but I shop at Target and K-Mart, but I put it all together and I feel good and I'm happy with what I buy.

I am pleasing myself and I am building the self. But I have to look in the mirror and your physical appearance has a lot to do with your emotional and mental state. Learn to fix yourself. Buy the perfume you like, the hand cream you like. Go to the gym, do exercises, look good.

You don't have to look like Jennifer Lopez to look good. and I already told you that none of us are going to look like Beyoncé, but in the best context that we can, we can look good for ourselves and build the self.

The last area he mentions is the need to update itself. And this is the need to become what God has called us to be. This is fulfilling your destiny. Many don't get to this area, and they reject it because they think it's too late or they can't, or they're not in the right place at the right time, but you have to reach your potential in Christ.

There is a destiny for each one of you. There is a place for each of you. There is an audience for each of you. For someone like me, I did not ask for it, it has been the will of God, I have had audiences of thousands of people, but I would like it if God put me in an audience of one or two people, that is wonderful, because God takes the time for an individual. Your audience might be your neighbor, your co-worker, it might be your supervisor, a niece who needs advice, someone you might meet on the street one day, or audiences of thousands or hundreds. But wherever God wants you to be there you will be updated.

Despite all the fear I have to stand up to preach there is no better place for me than where I am now. Where I feel most satisfied is when I preach the word. I don't know if you understand me. Nothing else gives me this height, nothing else makes me feel so satisfied and complete, than standing in the place where God put me. I didn't want it.

When God first spoke to me, saved me 30 years ago, told me he was going to preach to nations, I cried and said, “No, I don't want that. I want to teach kids sunday school but i was superintendent of kids sunday school he turned me down and said no. And every time I tried to do something else, God closed that door on me. So, finally I said, “Okay, I give up, I'm going to do what you want me to do.”

And as difficult as it is, the most…. It gives me butterflies in my stomach, I wouldn't trade it for all the money in the world. I wouldn't trade him for the most handsome man in the world. I wouldn't trade it for the biggest mansion in the world, because this is the place that God has for me and this is where I am the real Lily Gutierrez. This is where I feel fullest.

In fact, do you want to know something? This is better than any sexual encounter, if I may say so. You can't compare 30 seconds to this. Let's talk, let's be honest, we're all grown women here, right? You know it's only 30 seconds, maybe 45. This is better than those seconds I can have. Because this is when God says, "Go, girl!" This is when God is satisfied, when God says, “Come on, preach! Build my body. minister to the people I am where God wants me to be.

And when you are in the place where God wants you to be, it may be talking to the men in the warehouse, but when you do, you will feel so good in God, so complete, you will know that you are in the place you should be, in the right time, right place, doing the right thing.

And, sisters, in Christ, I'm going to close with this, let's go to Colossians, Chapter 2, verses 8 to 10. The Colossians also had problems with singles. This was a problem in the first century just as it is today. Paul had to keep writing these letters to address these problems in the church. In Colossians there were false teachers in the church who taught that some could get married and others not, some could have sex and others not, they gave specific rules. Some could eat certain foods and some could not, they began to add to the Gospel of Christ.

Colossians, Chapter 2, Paul says, “See that no one deceives you through philosophies and hollow subtleties according to the traditions of men, according to the rudiments of the world and not according to Christ, because in him dwells bodily all the fullness of deity and you are complete in him, who is the head of all principality and power.”

And this is what Paul was saying, forget about those who say if you should get married or not, you should do this or you should not do that. In Christ Jesus you are a complete person, if you are single you are complete, if you are married you are complete, if you are a young person you are complete, if you are already an old person you are complete, in Christ Jesus you are complete.

No one can complete you. Nothing can complete you. A husband cannot complete you. Children cannot complete you. Your work cannot complete you. Your home cannot complete you. People and things can complement you but they cannot complete you. The only one who can fill the void in you is Christ Jesus himself.

And the word that he uses for complete is the word plero which means fully developed, perfected, mature, and I love this definition, patch up and stop the leak, and through the world and some of the things that we've been through we've had a lot of leaks. everywhere.

Your heart was leaking, your mind was leaking, your emotions were leaking, your sensuality was leaking, but he's saying, when you come to Christ, he takes a big patch and puts it on your heart and stops the leak. He takes another patch and puts it on your brain and it stops leaking. He takes another patch, puts it on your sexuality and stops your sexuality from leaking, because God doesn't want us to be dripping everywhere.

God is saying, “I'm plugging the holes. I don't want my people to be dripping down, I want my people to be complete, to have dignity, to have honor, to have self-respect, to have self-esteem, to have confidence in who they are, so that they know they can do everything. whatever I ask of them, so they know that I can lift them up, I can spin them, I can move them forward. God takes foolish things to shame the wise, weak things to shame the mighty. God takes small things to make them big in the hands of a mighty God.

You are a complete woman. You are a completed woman. You're all covered in patches, you're blindfolded in the Holy Spirit, and the only water that flows in you is the presence of God's spirit. and God is saying, “Don't let it get away and make you feel incomplete and inferior, because I have made you complete and what I deposit in you is for you to develop in yourself. Develop that me. Develop who you are. Develop who I need you to be. Develop where I want you to go. Build the gift that is already in you. Raise your head, know that you are complete whether you are married or not, single or not, young or not, you are a complete woman in Christ.

I am not missing a single piece. When I came to Christ I was a mess because the world ruined me. I was like Humpty Dumpty who was sitting on the wall. Do you remember Humpty Dumpty? Remember that it fell and you couldn't put the pieces back together? I was like that egg that was all screwed up.

But God took me piece by piece, he took my mind, my emotions, my past, my sexuality, my person, my gifts, my heart, my self and united me and now I am complete in Christ Jesus. I don't lack anything. If I find someone and then I become us, that person will complement me, not complete me. And if I never find anyone and never become us, I'm still a good me because I'm building me this morning.

And God is saying to each one of you “I have called you to be a woman of dignity, of honor, of self-respect, of trust, a confident woman in whom you have believed.

Paul said, "I am convinced that he who began the work in me will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." I'm not perfect yet but I've come a long way and still have a long way to go. But in the meantime I'm on patches and nothing is missing or leaking because I am a complete woman in Christ. I am a woman, hear me roar. I am a complete woman in Christ Jesus.

God put something strange in my heart sharing with Pastor Meche, maybe we can do this quickly. I want you to stand with me.

I don't know where they are in your walk with Christ. I do not know if you are a Christian for many years, or new, or perhaps you are not and you are here today, whatever your status, single or married, young or old, Christ says to each one of us "I want you to get out of this place today knowing that in me, you lack nothing because I have called you to be a complete woman, a competent woman, a self-confident woman, an up-to-date woman, because in me you can achieve everything.

I want you to make a determination today that from this point forward, single or not, you are going to start building the self. And those of you who are married are going to have to say to your husband, “Turn on the television a little bit” and tell the children, “Go read the homework books, because I am going to take some time for myself, but I have to spend time in the Lord to build myself because I need to strengthen myself in Christ Jesus. My mind needs to be whole, my heart needs to be whole, my emotions need to be whole, my sexuality needs to be whole, my life needs to be whole in Christ.

I don't know how many of you know about the shoe pact. In Ruth's book, they remember when Boas went to redeem Ruth. In those days they made a shoe pact, you had to take off your right shoe and you had to give it to someone as a sign that you were making a pact.

You had to do it in front of witnesses, when Boas handed over his shoe, his sandal, the tradition was that they had to walk in front of witnesses, you had to... a little bit and the people who were witnessing had to shout blessings:

“When Boas handed over his sandal, the elders began to shout blessed be you and your house. May your foundations be blessed, may everything you touch prosper, may you live long, may you have good health, may you have peace, may you have joy, may you have good finances, may you have a great home, may you have all your needs met, may your rising and lying down be blessed, may your coming and your going be blessed.

The Lord put something strange in my heart, I want you to raise your right shoe to the Lord, because we are going to make a pact with the Lord and the pact is as follows:

From this point on I am going to work on the I before being a we and if I never become a we, and if I do later in life, meanwhile I build the I. I make a pact with God that I am going to build myself up, and I am going to take care of myself, I am going to satisfy my needs, that I am going to be the woman that he wants me to be, I will go where he wants, do what he wants, say what he wants let him say, speak what he wants me to say, give what he wants me to give, I'm going to be everything he wants me to be, and while we're doing that we're all going to shout blessings to each other, blessings of peace, blessings of prosperity, blessings of hope, blessings of the future, blessings of life, blessing of health, peace and joy, for your children, blessings for your children's children.

This is what I want you to do. They will get out of their seat. We are going to walk around the temple and to limp, while they are walking we are going to shout blessings to each other. They start here, turn around, and start shouting, peace, joy, health, finances, long life, your children, your children's children, your house, your neighbors, your work, your co-workers, everything that You touch, you lift, you lie down, your exit, your entrance.

Joy, peace, health, strength, your destiny, your past, your present, your future, everything God has, every blessing, every promise. Sister, keep moving. Go on, go on, come to the middle.

Peace, joy, hope, strength, good life, finances, your children, your children's children, your home, your neighborhood, your job, your family, your country, everything. All that God has. Bless someone today. Bless someone today.

It prophesies life, it prophesies health, it prophesies peace, it prophesies joy. Hallelujah! Prosperity, health, peace. Hallelujah!

Hallelujah! Joy, peace, health, long life. Hallelujah! All the promises, all the promises of God, every promise of God, every promise, because I'm going to build the self. Come on, pick up the shoe, I'm going to build the me. I am going to build myself. I am going to raise the self. I'm going to take time for myself. I'm going to minister to myself. I am going to work on the me because I am me and I will always be me. I will build myself Build the self Building the self

Hallelujah! Pick up the shoe. Thank my Lord. As you go to your seats, lift your shoe and say, Lord, I am making a covenant, I am making a covenant with the Lord Jesus Christ. And from this point on, from this point on I am going to take care of the self. I'm going to be me, I'm going to build myself, I'm going to take time for myself. I'm going to cheer myself up, I'm going to talk to myself, I'm going to build my confidence level, I'm going to raise my confidence level, I'm going to take care of my appearance, I'm going to look good for myself, I'm going to feel good about myself. I am going to eat well for myself, I am going to exercise for myself, I am going to rest for myself, I am going to build myself up because this is what God wants me to do, because I am complete in Christ. With a husband or without a husband, I am complete, with children or without children I am complete, with a house or without a house, I am complete, with money or without money I am complete, with titles or without titles I am complete, because God gave me has called to be a complete woman.

You are complete in Christ Jesus, it doesn't matter where you have been, all that matters is where you are now and where you are going tomorrow. I am walking here now and I am going towards tomorrow, because I have a pact with God and I am going to be the woman that he wants me to be. Give a shout to the Lord, give a shout to the Lord. Give a shout of joy to the Lord, for the Lord is good.

Sister, you are a me. This afternoon we're going to talk about us, but in the meantime you're the best me there is. You have to tell yourself, I'm the best me there is. Wait, I know this is Boston, but you might see me a little older, do it like in the Bronx, I'm the best me I have.

All single women, all single women, because I am the best me that I can be.