Leadership Presentation March 12, 2011: Conflict Resolution

Look at what Matthew 5 says, from 21 to 26, which is a passage, the Bible pays so much attention to harmony in the church. Any institution needs harmony. Someone who is very close, and I am not going to mention his name, because I do not want to reveal confidentialities and things, is starting a job in a key non-profit agency, here in the United States, very important, growing a lot. And this person is working at the level of leaders who intervene in different parts of the country, in his direction of this work.

He tells me, "Now I spend most of my time simply working with people." She told me, “now I understand what you do as a pastor, because a lot of my work is resolving conflicts, removing situations of conflict and tension between the key leaders of the institution and promoting that. Lots of disheartened, discouraged, conflicted people.”

And I have seen that a thousand times and the key is not in more protocols. Protocols are important, written agreements are important, rules are important, but guess what? That, I believe, was never enough to avoid conflict.

What's more, I have seen that many times all these things, if there is not the correct attitude, promote conflict more than resolve it, because then conflicting people have the law to throw stones at others and to interpret it in their own way and create more conflict. The key is in the heart. It's here. And in a proper Christian stance, that's the key.

Unless the heart does not change, forget it, there is not going to be peace in the church or in any part of the world. What I want this morning is at least to promote a new mentality. I know that this is going to be very difficult.

Frankly, I know that this takes years. I have seen people, brothers, speak publicly about love, meekness and other things, and in the very act of speaking about it, the context, they are violating precisely what they are saying.

And I'm sitting there dying, because I see how difficult it is to get inside your own brain, psychiatrists understand this. You can talk to a madman and say, “Look, why don't you behave yourself? why don't you stop insulting people? Why don't you stop threatening that you're going to jump out of a window? That's not good." You are speaking Chinese to the madman. Your brain can't process that.

And I am speaking to you, brothers, and I believe that, through your mind, go to your heart and to your spirit. So God help us that these words are transforming words at the level of the heart and the spirit.

Meche was talking to me about a child that she has in her practice, he has eyes, his eyes see perfectly, he has no problem with his eyes. His eyes work perfectly but he can't see. Why can't you see? His eyes are seeing, his eyes are seeing in the mechanical sense of the word, but why can't he see? Because his brain has a problem. His neurological wiring doesn't allow him to take the images that pass through his eyes and translate them into conscious images that he can process. He looks but doesn't process, doesn't see, because the eyes are just like a radio. That's all. It's a mechanical thing, a piece of metal, but what makes it possible is when that becomes sound and there is a brain that interprets it.

So many times, it occurred to me that it's a very powerful image of preaching, teaching, a number of things. You speak to people, people are listening, your brain is processing words, information, but there is something that is not translated to the heart, to the subconscious, to the soul, to the emotions because the wiring is not adequate. And that is why hundreds of interventions are sometimes required for a drop of transformation to reach sensitivity.

Pray to the Lord so that everything you hear, everything you receive can have an impact and that it is truly transmitted to your spirit. Every day I understand well, more and more, that it is the power of God transforming lives, but I am throwing away this seed as a prophetic word, because there is no other way to do it and waiting for God to do the work in their hearts. Because as we speak there are conflicts in our church.

Thank the Lord it's things that, it's one thing I want to say, conflict doesn't bother me. That is part of life. This is a very harmonious church. All in all it is a very harmonious church. Now, there is conflict in it, if there isn't it's because all of you are six feet under. That is natural. If there is it in a family of 4 people, how can it not be in a church of hundreds of people of different nationalities, races, languages, everything? So that doesn't matter to me, as long as it's on a tolerable and human level. That is not a problem. But it could be further minimized. But it is the heart, it is the heart and the willingness to give ourselves.

Why does the Bible have so much to talk about conflict? Because it is absolutely key. The conflict is not strange at all, it was there a long time ago, in humanity. With Jesus himself walking among his 12 there were tremendous conflicts. They are there. Says Matthew 5:21:

“…You have heard that it was said to the ancients, you shall not kill, and whoever you kill shall be guilty of judgment. But I tell you… ─ always the highest level ─ … than anyone who gets angry… ─ How many have been angry, or are angry with someone, their brother, someone from their ministry? I could name many names here right now. And don't tell me you're not angry. Are you angry. I suggest you say, open your heart to me, I'm angry, you're angry with someone.

“…Anyone who is angry with his brother will be guilty of judgment and anyone who calls his brother a fool… ─ How many of you think that someone in your ministry is a fool? Listen to me, I'm not going to ask you to point it out, but I'm sure you have and they've called it, what's more, fool is a simple little word compared to what we've called it. ─… anyone who calls his brother a fool will be guilty before the Council and anyone who calls him a fool… ─ who is even less than a fool ─… will be exposed to hellfire…”

Say everyone, oh!! These are the hyperboles of Jesus Christ.

"... therefore if you bring your offering to the altar... ─ everything refers to that, we are serving the Lord, we want to give to the Lord ─... and there you remember that your brother has something against you... ─ it is not that you have it against he, he has it against you and if you have it against him too ─... leave your offering there in front of the altar and go, be reconciled first with your brother.

God is not so much interested in the product as in the process. Write me that before I forget, please, because I want to put it there in what I'm writing. God does not care so much about the product, although the product is very important, as the process behind the product. And I don't want to get into dangerous illustrations right now.

"... Leave your offering there... ─ that is, the product is the offering, we believe that if one leaves the Lord an offering, a ram, an issue, a service, money, leave it there first because there is something that is in the process, in you, in your heart, in your relationship with your brother ─... leave it there, be reconciled first with your brother and then come and present your offering. Make an agreement with your adversary quickly, while you are with him on the road, lest the adversary hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the bailiff, and be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you that you will not get out of there until you pay the last penny…”

Wow! Powerful word. We could be on that for a long time, but what I want is, you know, I don't even know whether to talk about conflict or harmony. How to maintain harmony, but we are going to talk a little about that because, in fact, I would have liked it from back to front, because in reality I realized that in the end I talk about the attitudes that are behind the interventions, concrete, specific of which I speak at the beginning. But it's okay. I'm going to go a thousand miles an hour.

I decided to drink, I did about 25% last time, many of you are new, so I'm sure the others don't even remember what I said. So we're going to get started quickly as if it were… there you have some base texts that you can then use as a study. I would recommend that for your cells and for different groups, use these materials for study materials because they are very enriching.

There are two ways of… this is before, it seems that the other is not there, but these were things that I put. There are two ways to conduct human relationships in this world, according to law or according to grace.

The first thing I want to tell you is, be a person of grace, grace, grace, grace. At this stage of my life, I am painfully aware. Because? Because I myself have not reached it, of the importance of living according to grace and not according to the law. Many leaders that I know not in León de Judá, but in other places, are impoverished because they do not sufficiently reflect this spirit of grace.

When you change the driving force of your ministry, your life, your marriage, to grace instead of law, it changes everything. Because law means, "I'm right", grace is, even if I should cut off this person's head, and I had every right to do it, I shouldn't do it, I should bless her and give her space, give her time, pray for her, help her . That is grace. And that is the modality that should govern our lives and our ministries.

One can have life according to the flesh or according to the spirit. According to the earthly, biological system or according to the Kingdom of God and the spirit of Jesus Christ. Which of the two do you want? Say it right now, which of the two do you want? Christ or flesh? Tell it to your spirit.

The Bible continually establishes a clear opposition between these two irreconcilable positions and invites you to choose the second, which represents God's position towards his creation. God is how he treats man, grace.

The other belongs to the kingdom of darkness. Do you know who is the greatest legalist in the universe? Satan. Why do they call him the accuser? He is the prosecutor of the world. That's what the word diabolos is, it's an accuser. He is the prosecutor. Satan is the most legalistic and judicial person in the universe. God condemned him and he says, now I have to condemn you. When he catches you in an infraction of the law, he applies the law to you and from there comes the demonization, from there comes the suffering of life, many things that come from that point.

So, legalism belongs to the world of darkness. Its protagonist is Satan, the prince in this world, where war, conflict, fights between brothers come. Go later and not now to Santiago, the text that I put at the beginning, James 4:4.

Premise number 1 regarding proper conflict management is that conflict is inevitable. Everyone say inevitable. The conflict, say everyone, is inevitable. It comes as a result of the fall of Eden which introduced through sin, the struggle between man and woman. The individual and his fellow man, race against race, nation against nation, and nature itself against man.

For me the number 1 consequence of sin is the fall, the conflict. Everything that was harmonious, complementary, became something conflictive: nature, man, man and woman, everything. So what's up? There is one thing right, remember this, we are a Congregation, a church. One of the governing values of our Congregation is that we celebrate, we not only accept, we not only tolerate, but we celebrate the process. I believe a lot in the process. The diversity of gifts, of cultures, of races, languages, of calls, of temperaments.

This, this posture of celebrating diversity, plurality, the process requires the acceptance and good handling of the dialogue, tense but creative, and the occasional conflict. If you want the process you have to be willing for there to be conflict. Process is that, it is the interaction of different elements, which often lead to conflict and produce a new creation.

Thesis, antithesis, synthesis. Ask Marx about that. Now, for this reason too, we have to be prepared for when the conflict arises in order to keep it within constructive and profitable limits. We will have to develop appropriate criteria and processes to manage the inevitable tensions and conflicts.

If a church celebrates the process, it must also celebrate the conflict and keep it in check. Wherever there are different pieces working together in a system, there will be some kind of friction and conflict between them. It helps to see things this way. As opposed to seeing conflict as abnormal or necessarily sinister. Because? Because if you, in a marriage for example, when there is conflict, you say, oh, something is wrong with the marriage. We don't love each other. It is a serious problem. So you panic and instead of taking a deep breath and saying, you know what? That happen. How can I solve it? That lowers the tensions, the revolutions per minute when you see the conflict as something natural.

I have learned more and more every day to see the conflict that does not make me lose sleep. That is part of a healthy Congregation, a healthy family. There is dialogue, there is interaction, there is resolution. The important thing is what is done with the conflict. The conflict if we successfully resolve it leaves a situation more powerful than before, stronger than before.

So conflict is an inherent part of life. What did Christ say? In the world you will find sorrow, you will find conflict. Interpersonal conflict, as well as the suffering that comes with normal life, is to be expected in the life of any group or in any sustained human relationship.

When I have a setback in life, I don't say, oh, this terrible world! God doesn't love me. This whole universe is in chaos. No, I say, hey, what can you expect from this world? You can't ask for pears from the elm. Conflict comes with life. Do not be surprised when illnesses, difficulties, financial situations, failures, failures, setbacks come. That is part, and God allows all of that for your good. This is what happens to us with conflict in a small group, a small ministry, the church, that is part of life.

And it has helped me a lot to see it that way. And I say, you know what? I have a healthy church, the important thing is that it does not divide. If the conflict, as it happens in some ministries, is stopping the blessing, the creativity, the growth, the progress, that is where the problem is, something serious and it has to be solved.

The question is not if we are going to have conflict with others, but rather when conflict comes, how are we going to react and how are we going to face it. I will highlight marriage, friendship, family, work. Now, that's why I say here, normalize conflict and I put emphasis there on the word normalize conflict, and accepting its inevitability helps us not to get anxious when we experience it. When there is a bit of tension in your ministry, do not send yourself running, or draw your sword to cut heads at once. Say, you know what? That happen. It's natural. This is an opportunity to learn. This is an opportunity for me to clarify what I believe and for that person to better express themselves in my life.

And even if at some point you are upset, look upset and then take two aspirin and let your guard down, and try to process the conflict. That is important, to get out of the situation and look at it from an objective perspective. So, normalize the conflict. Instead of shocking us and setting us up to become defensive or aggressive, or to give in to resentment or retaliation, normalizing conflict allows us to step back from the situation, take control of our emotions, and apply biblical principles that can prevent conflict from escalating. escalate to something destructive.

It can even allow the relationship between the parties to be strengthened and healthier than before the conflict, through a mature and balanced resolution. Understands? If I could, I would stop for a moment and ask someone if you have experienced a situation in which this has happened to you, that after a conflict was resolved, the situation was better than before.

You have 30 seconds, [inaudible] you have been feeling, it is dangerous to give signs of life. Something you guys have learned, quick [inaudible]

And that strengthens more, I think, because that heat causes the barrier to melt a bit and then they get more involved. You know something that makes me so happy when I see two people who had a conflict, because I know that they have had a serious conflict in the church, and then I see them going to dinner, going into the church together. I say, wow, what a weird thing. And what things give me the most joy. That exemplifies the blessing and the principles of the kingdom working in the life of the Congregation.

Listen to me if you really want to know that I am exemplifying the character of Christ, be reconciled, not just call a ceasefire. No. the reconciliation is within the heart. Find a way to sit down and wipe the slate clean and move on. That is wonderful.

I want in our church, the Holy Spirit requires an ethic of reconciliation and conflict resolution for a lifetime, because that will also bless your marriage, and your friendships, everything, your work. This ethic of reconciliation is key and that situations are better after the conflict than before. Because many times what happens is that the conflict weakens the fundamental structures of relationships. It was forgiven once, it was passed over, it was not resolved and there is already a structural failure. And it already takes one or two more of those for there to be an explosion. Because? Because the startup was not resolved.

So, what was left was a weakened structure, like those buildings that are now experiencing structural failure in Japan, you don't know, but they are there, they are weakened. Unless there is a restructuring, they are weaker than when they started.

In human relationships, when the conflict is resolved, it must remain in Christ, more powerful than before. And that should always be our goal.

Now, experiencing internal or interpersonal conflict is even necessary. Say necessary. Not only normal, but necessary. It is not only tolerable, it is necessary for the development of a mature and healthy personality.

I believe that a mature church needs, requires conflict and its healthy resolution to strengthen, strengthen, strengthen. That land in a short time, when we finish the plumbing and at the end, we have to bring a bulldozer and consolidate the land, because otherwise the levels are not adequate.

You have to squeeze. And that puts the earth and the machine in conflict. The earth is saying, ouch, ouch, it's hitting me hard! It's being squeezed. But it is needed for there to be solidity.

And that is necessary. Things that have settled down, settle, always. That is what the earth does. That tremor in Japan is because there are two tectonic plates, Pacific and North, I think it is, that are trying to establish themselves. And every time there is a void and it is filled, everything collapses. It produces conflict. Nature is like that, it is a great metaphor about always seeking ecstasy, consolidation and balance. And it must pass too.

That is why the conflict is necessary, because those gaps, bad communications, structural flaws in me, in you, the conflict brings to light. And if we are wise and want to grow, grow, grow, we are going to take advantage of those things to improve our personality.

So without the process of conflict and successfully resolving it, we cannot grow as human beings. For a child, for example, it is necessary to learn to negotiate with other children regarding the use of toys. Or learn to navigate the very process of playing, giving space and opportunity to others, fighting and making up with your friends.

Caleb, our grandson, there is a little boy who from time to time pulls his bows, he and the other little boy where they take care of them, Arminda's job, for him is to play and have continuous enjoyment. But sometimes it has come with a scratch in the eye. And you know what? Neither Aby, nor Miguel, nor we were scandalized, oh, my God! That's part, and you know what? Now I see them that they are very calm because they already know each other. The two have already hit each other and are already learning... and all that makes them negotiate for toys. All of this is necessary for the growth process. God has designed it that way. And it is necessary for us too.

All this is part of the normal process of the formation of a healthy and skillful being in the management of human relations. Without those uncomfortable and conflictive experiences, you cannot have a balanced and complex personality. The same happens with the adult through his own social experiences. Nature is full of that. A butterfly breaking the cocuyo with its wings, a little horse at the moment of being born. Look on You Tube for a little horse trying to learn to walk, when it is born right away. Nobody messes around to help that little horse. He needs this process for an identity of improvement and strength.

So that's important. The conflict is to be expected, we have to normalize it and we even have to recognize that it is necessary for the healthy growth of individuals and institutions to take place.

Another important truth to keep in mind regarding conflict management. In interpersonal relationships, sometimes what may seem like conflict is not such a thing. But a mere difference of opinion or a different perception of a common experience. It's not so much conflict as diversity of perspective, we might as well say. It is often complementarity of perception.

In a ministry there can be a goal and different people are analyzing different perspectives and if you have the wisdom to listen to those things, that can be a great blessing for you and you can learn many things.

Let me give you an example of that, well it occurs to me quite banal from the house. Yesterday I was going to take a tee shirt, an orange T-shirt and I was going to throw it on with some clothes that Meche was washing. And I was absolutely sure that this shirt has already been washed so many times that it doesn't stain. Now, my mentality is a little more impulsive. I am sometimes big Picture, and I have to train myself to think in more specific terms. Meche is complementary, in the sense that she is more meticulous and more careful and delicate in the smallest interventions, very prudent in the extreme. I'm more impulsive, extremely, sometimes in terms of things, right?

I have a goal, a task and I want to carry it out. There is complementarity of temperament, perspectives, character, vision and among the many blessings that she is in my life, she is that voice that tells me, slow down, be careful with that person. Don't offer yourself so much, like, yes, come to my house and sleep there for three weeks, don't worry, we have a room for you. And when they call me I'm shaking that I don't know what to do. In other words, don't ask me for anything immediately after the service because I'm going to say yes and it's going to be a mess for my life because I'm full of adrenaline and I'm manic, maniac depressive, that's my manic phase there at that moment. So maniacs, when they are in their manic phase, say yes to everything and believe that everything is resolved and that everything has a solution. I am giving perhaps a secret that you should not use, please be merciful.

So, I tell him, look, hey, because he was going to put some clothes on and I tell him, look, well, put on these exercise clothes, a pair of pants and a T-shirt, put it there. He tells me, no, because I have white clothes in there and I don't want him to leave…. I say, no, but if that has already been washed many times, look how good quality this tee shirt has. So, not wanting to use the machine only to wash a pair of small pants and a tee shirt, I was going to take a bath and I took those clothes and soaped them. I am here giving intimacies of our life, but what I am saying is a good illustration. I can't escape sharing it with you.

So when I take the soap and I'm lathering her by then when she's done, I also throw her in with the clothes that she's going to dry, which she didn't allow me either, but you know what? When I finish washing it, I'm squeezing it, the water was orange. The water came out orange. My first inclination was to remain silent so as not to give away a victory, but she knows better, I have to be upright and I have to encourage her in her mission to tame me and help me to be a more sober man. So, Meche, I called her, come here please, I want to tell you that you were right. So believing that my homework was complete, when you dry it I'm going to put it there. No sir, don't because it might as well… I had to put the two lonely things in the dryer for a bit to dry.

complementarity It might look like a conflict. I confess that sometimes I get annoyed with some of her interventions, but I have learned through the years that she is a missionary, that God has chosen, among other things, to prevent me from making a mess of my ministry and of my life. So that leaves you there.

So, what seems like a conflict is often complementarity. And we have to understand that too. God sometimes puts a thorn in our lives, let me tell you, and we don't understand that they are coaches, they are not thorns. They don't hate us, it's just that God has mysteriously placed them, not only to make us dry on one side, but to bless us and help us to be better. It's amazing, God knows them all.

It will be inevitable that different individuals will have different opinions on how to handle a specific situation. The fact that others think differently from us does not imply bad intent, it does not imply bad intent, it is not necessarily that they hate us, that they want to make life difficult for us, that they want to undermine our ministry, that they are jealous or envious of us , who are bad Christians.

That's one thing that I was talking to someone this week about conflict. Do you know what prevents me from making too cursory judgments of people? It is that I see everything beautiful and beautiful and good and powerful, productive and constructive that these people embody for the Kingdom of God. The blessing they are for my life and for my church. It's not that they're demonic. It's just that they are part of God's process.

Sometimes they are wrong, but I have to distinguish something that God is doing there, something that they are telling me. Karen is saying amen. She knows what I'm talking about. Your spirit is testifying right now prophetically that what I am saying is true. Amen. Amen. They have a Japanese prophet there, Gregory, and information.

That is important. The fact that others think differently from us does not imply bad intention, or immaturity, or sinfulness, or demonization on their part. Rather, they are deriving a different conclusion from ours, based on the same elements that we are handling with respect to a particular situation. They are looking at it with a different perspective.

Many illustrations in humanity, remember the elephant and the blind. If not look it up on Google or on You Tube. This also helps manage conflict. Because? Because it takes away from those who think differently the stigma of stubborn or malicious, or immature and gives them the right to exercise their freedom of thought.

That recognition of the essential goodness of an individual, and of the blessings that person embodies, despite their differences of opinion and perhaps through their carnality to some degree, helps to water down that toxic potion of their temperament, when They react to what they say.

This changes the devil's terrain and makes it more one of negotiation and seeking to have it in common, instead of a matter of winning or losing, or neutralizing our supposed opponent. How many have learned from people that you would have cut off his head, shot him, and sent a hitman to get him out of the way. And then years after that, wow! They had a lot to teach me.

For this reason, brothers, look, when something happens, when I tell you, now I cannot recognize you when you want to pray, or have an urgent prophetic word. There are many ways to view this. Don't see it as if the pastor simply wanted me and that's why he didn't recognize me. Let your guard down, take two aspirins, go for a walk, rebuke the devil, speak in tongues, whatever you want, but don't immediately react in a confrontational way. What can you learn from that? Humility, meekness, patience, love, forgiveness, a number of things, an opportunity to grow there.

This is the general conceptual framing terrain of which I am speaking. Some specific principles that help in conflict resolution. Let me tell you, I'm not talking about my great height, even if it's physical right now. I have a lot to learn from these things. In my dialogues with my daughters, with my wife, with you, many times perhaps I sin, but I know that these principles are valid, they are real and that is where I want to go. I am not trying to fool myself, to give the animal another name. This is where I have to go, and so do you, all of us.

Number 1, you have to try to listen neutrally to what the person is saying, easier said than done. Unlike adding negative feelings or values to your word, try to listen to the content of what you are saying, do not add to it, this person wants to hurt me, this person is… Try to listen and see if what you are saying embodies some principle of objective truth. Apart from the fact that he is not right in other things, apart from the fact that the person is carnal, you know how many times I benefit from people that in reality I do not have so much respect for their spirituality. But I isolate, last Sunday there was something here, in a speech, that I decided to listen to the voice of a person that I usually don't listen to and that transformed the service. I am not going to say which of the two to give you fewer clues.

Because I have learned to isolate. The same goes for so many different things. I have learned, I have discussed this with someone this week, there are people who are filled with the Holy Spirit but their character in other things leaves a lot behind... I have learned not to say, you know what? Because she is so immature she does not have the Holy Spirit. No, there are people who are full, don't tell me how that works, but there's no way to explain it, but…

You have to isolate the content from the context, we could so say. Force yourself to listen to what the person is saying and ask yourself, is there any truth to what he is telling me? That is number 1.

So, number 2, one must analyze oneself in terms of its unconscious reaction. Here is the word unconscious. Say unconscious. It is possible that one is unfairly projecting content that has nothing to do with the current point of view that the other person presents. You have to ask yourself things like, do I dislike something in the person's physique? Which predisposes me against it? There are mannerisms that people have that immediately tell me, they predispose me against people, sometimes pretentious, a locutorial tone, that's what we pastors sin a lot. And other things, that if you let yourself be carried away by that and no, no, listen to what truth that person embodies? Apart from his mannerism, his physical appearance. I dislike something in the physique of the person that predisposes me. Does what you are saying threaten me because it addresses some insecurity in me? Does this situation remind me of some other negative situation that I experienced in the past, but which actually had a different content than the current one? Lots of stuff there.

But, once again, all these things, what I want even if you learn a style of thinking and computing life and conjugating situations. I want to take away their innocence. I want to remove the tendency to react suddenly, instead of using skills and truths that help give time and that make the situation you are experiencing more complex, but allow you to act in a more complex pastoral way in your life. They understand?

You're not going to learn everything I'm saying here today, but if at least, if I can wrest a little bit of your innocence from you, that helps a lot. That is all my desire many times in these things. Ripping people's innocence.

Number 3. Give yourself time before reacting. I have learned that I have to leave time. Sometimes weeks, and sometimes even months, a process taking place before I cut heads off, mess with an electric saw, or the like. We have to give time to the time. Everything has its time says the writer of Ecclesiastes.

Not every conflict has to be resolved immediately. Sometimes you have to give time to get more information. Sometimes the conflict will fade on its own over time. I have learned the style of the minimalist pastorate. Instead of you jumping in and trying to figure something out immediately, you with your very imperfect hands, and your mind that doesn't understand all the intricacies, give God time. What you have to do is drive a little here, push here, a little there, an indirect intervention there, talk to someone else. And then let all those forces go little by little as putting things together, and then give God time to mature the process.

I have learned that this helps a lot. I get less tired. I poison less. There is an organic process that includes the movement of the Holy Spirit, praying, bringing prayer into the process, and believing in the God who works in answer to prayer.

Sometimes we ourselves will change our minds and come to see the reason in the opposite point of view. I could give you many illustrations of our church, which I know would be revealing, but we don't have time. But to give him time before reacting. Your husband says something to you, your wife, you're hungry, you just got in from tremendous traffic, he says something to you and your tendency is to explode and say something. Go to the fridge, open a Coca Cola, not a Coca Cola because that will give you more caffeine and adrenaline, have a linden tea or something like that and come downstairs and then answer, or don't answer, even better. Stay calm and let that happen. It helps a lot.

Point 4. See the present conflict as an opportunity. Say opportunity… to grow spiritually and become more like Christ. Every stressful situation represents an opportunity to put Gospel principles into practice, to appoint the flesh, to develop humility, as well as to prove God's faithfulness and His promises.

It helps me a lot to include the spiritual dimension, God's process involved in the matter, my life, how God wants to form me. I tried not to spiritualize in vain, but to spiritualize properly, to see angels, demons, God, truths of the kingdom, works that he wants to do in my life, in the other, testimonies that I have to give before the devil, before the demons, before God before men. All of that helps me see this as an opportunity for many things to come out, not just the conflict between me and that person. That helps a lot. I don't know if I've tired you with all that I'm saying. But that is very important.

Every situation represents an opportunity to put gospel principles into practice. This posture allows us to relax in the face of any tense situation and enter it with a positive posture instead of conflictive or defensive.

If I see something an opportunity for growth and testimony, and to apply the principles of the kingdom that are always: forgive the one who offends you, assume the best in the other, bless the one who curses you, be patient, be a peacemaker. All these things, if I see that as an opportunity that I need it, this man that you see here needs it. That will help you. You know what? I'm not going to reject it, let me see what I can get out of it, what benefit I can get from this opportunity.

Another thing, give others the opportunity to express themselves freely before intervening or interrupting them. That's the thing that a person like me always struggles with. My wife tells me, because I am almost certain that I know when a person says four words to me, I know exactly why they come, where they go. Or I think, at least, that I know. So I want how to stop the process and why do I have to listen to everything if I already know where it comes from, I know its context, I know why it says it, that is what I often believe. And then many times I tend to interrupt the person and that is dangerous. And some of us do it for different reasons, we don't want to hear what it's telling us, we want to cut it off.

Do you know who was an expert? That I don't even see him anymore, because he's a man I respect a lot, but in another way, he's the Irishman from Fox News who has the show… O'Reilly. O'Reilly is an abuser, he is a bully. His form annoys me so much, contrary to the Kingdom of God that I no longer see him, although he is a man who has a lot of character and many areas and many other things. Because he specializes, and I ask myself, why do people, senators and other people sometimes submit to that guy who is a 6 by 4 bully and who is the most arrogant, proud and conceited person I know in the universe. But I love him.

However, you know all the talk shows, that's a style that has developed. It's awful. It is an ethic of this culture, keep your opponent off balance. Don't let him reconcile a thought, don't give him a chance to say what he wants in a nuanced way, because it's dangerous, better cut him off before he completes his sentence. Assert your superiority over him. It's a gladiatorial thing that it's become, because it exemplifies the conflicting ethics of this culture.

The Gospel has to be radically different. I have to make an effort to give the other the opportunity to express himself and develop the gift that God has given him or her. A lot of thing there, that can only make that a theme. Opportunity for others to express themselves freely before interrupting them.

Another thing that helps, ask for clarification on any controversial point or that we simply do not understand well. What are you saying? What's more, saying it like that is already dangerous. You have to speak in a certain way, one of the things is the tone, the vivacity, the expressions, all these things I know are things that we need... take two Valium and tell him, I'm going to the bathroom for a little while, look for the valium, drink... what were you telling me?

Ask for clarification. It is very important. This also helps the person feel heard and validated and shows good faith on our part. That goes the level of conflict of all people.

Another thing, actively celebrate the diversity of opinions. The key here is to 'actively celebrate' diversity of opinion and respect for plurality. This is like a mathematical equation, you have to divide it into four parts. Actively celebrate the diversity of opinions and respect for plurality as an essential value in the group we lead or to which we belong.

What do I want to say with that? We have to continually, as we are doing right now, raise diversity as a governing principle of our group or community. Because the kingdom is like that, the kingdom is a body with different organs, members, functions, so one has to actively celebrate that. We are a body, what would be the word here, creative, whatever. The fact is that you have to talk about these things, you have to celebrate them and say we promote, celebrate, accept.

This makes discussion and dialogue normal, again, rather than unpleasant and negative. It predisposes the group towards the harmonious resolution of the conflict instead of avoidance or the expression of aggressive emotions. By the way, there are many churches where sometimes the lack of conflict is because there is a boot on top of the hole that allows the processing of opinions. And below there are a number of voices, listen to me, listen to me, they cannot be heard because the pastor, or two or three leaders have their foot on the hole. Inside there are a number of little voices trying to get out. That does not necessarily indicate a healthy church.

I have learned that ministries need to breathe. There has to be process, there has to be constructive conversation, there has to be conflict resolution, all these things.

You have to point out, celebrate and you have to force yourself to say, no, this is necessary. Again, too bad we don't have as much time to go into that further.

So, another thing, we have to be willing, this is for me is one of the most powerful principles of the entire Gospel. Being willing to sacrifice reason or personal rights in order to preserve the cohesion, harmony or health of the group to which we belong.

I call this the yielding principle. Genesis 3 is one of my favorite passages in that edition. You can take everything I'm saying and analyze it in light of how Abraham behaves towards his nephew Lot.

The principle of giving in, not giving in because I let myself be abused, because I'm timid, because I let myself be oppressed, because I don't have weapons to fight, but because I decide, instead of taking out a 6-foot sword that I have, I decide to leave it in there. And I yield in the name of Jesus, as a powerful prophetic act and then I send the divine hound in this situation so that he can solve it. Something very powerful.

You know that there are many ministries that are terribly affected because there are not enough people in that ministry giving in. What they want is for their values, their principles to be affirmed and felt and then people are not afraid to say things that poison the environment at a given moment or increase the conflict instead of, you know what, Lord? I prefer that there be harmony in this group instead of my right being manifested.

If we learned, because you know what? As I told you, if we go for rights, what happens with the protocols, procedures. I am not denying it, the importance of that, we want more of those things, but I tell you sincerely, if the heart does not have that principle of blessing the one who curses you, go the second mile, turn your cheek, forgive the offender, all these things that are so key in the life of the people of God and in the word of God, nothing is going to work. It's going to be metal against metal, law against law, interpretation against interpretation, perspective against perspective. And nothing will ever be resolved.

Only when someone is willing to give up a moment for another to be in another moment, and then that which is, they give up for the other to be because it is their turn. When we are continually letting go here so that the other can pull a little, and the other lets go there so that the other can pull, and the other lets go a little so that the other can pull, and there is a loving dance. I don't know how many of you have danced? I have never done it in my life, but I have been told that a complementarity is required, sometimes one goes forward and the other goes backwards, and the other moves a little here and the other holds it so that it does not fall, etc., etc. And that is what makes a dance so enjoyable. I have five minutes of grace left.

So that aspect of things of being willing to sacrifice reason is important. Knowing how to lose, if we were able to express our opinion and finally another point of view prevailed, denote the nobility and maturity of validating the final decision, and recognizing that our opinion will not always prevail. In that case we must support the decision made and join it one hundred percent. Instead of staying on the other side of the fence and secretly throwing pebbles or sometimes worse, complete grenades from outside.

Hey brothers, we are experts in gossiping, in undermining the leadership of people we don't like. That is a skill that the church has honed to perfection. That's how it is. If it's a fair process, stay calm, let God work. Backbiting has many forms.

One other thing, once an issue is resolved, we must give up gossiping or complaining and resist the tendency to form a group of malcontents. There are communities of malcontents in the churches. We must support the decision made both with our mouth and with our submissive behavior, be it private, public, secret, intimate, whatever, brothers.

I know that this is so difficult. I wrote something by hand, beware of disguised gossip, beware of contaminating other people. I see many times in the processes of the churches people who contaminate each other and neutralize each other as leaders, and neutralize others because of being in a conversation that destroys.

It may seem like a legitimate conversation. How tasty it is when two people are celebrating their wounds and licking each other. That's a great party. But it's horribly destructive and impoverishes and undermines a community, don't do it. Because you are bringing judgment on yourself, and you are damaging someone else's mentality as well. You have to resist that, brothers, like a plague. It's awful. And when you let your guard down, avoid using illegitimate weapons in a church family process.

Another thing, we must separate the person's point of view from their opinion about us. Separate the point of view that the person embodies and believes from what they think of you. Many times we will have to actively remind ourselves that the person who has a strongly different opinion than ours does not necessarily have ill will towards us. Perhaps quite the opposite. Actively remember respect, here is the word actively, I have to remind myself sometimes that this person, I believe, truly loves me, despite the fact that he is making my life miserable, I say, this person believes, at least that he loves me and respects me.

I have seen it many times, there are people that I know who love me, they make my life difficult, but I have to remember that they love me and that I have seen occasions in which they have shown genuine love for me. I know that they are praying for me, and I have to separate at that moment what they are saying from that part, so that I can give them all that I can of credibility and blessing to their lives. Because many times it is all or nothing, zero or totality. If you love me you should agree with me and not treat me that way. He says it because he doesn't love me, he wants to touch my ministry. No, no, I have learned that it is like feet of clay, everything is gray in the universe, not black or white. Human beings are tremendously complex.

Many times we have to actively remind ourselves that the person who has a strongly different opinion than ours does not necessarily have ill will. Actively remembering the respect, the affection, that the individual genuinely feels towards us, will help us to be more receptive and patient with respect to the point of view that he is expressing.

Giving in in the name of the Lord can be the most powerful weapon to get out of the conflict. I have learned that. That is called an organic victory, an integral victory. There are victories that are pyrrhic victories, you win a battle but you have lost so much by winning it that it is a loss in the end. But when you win, the Lord is a victory that blesses the opponent, blesses you, blesses the context, and blesses the community. It is an organic, total victory.

Sometimes losing in the short term to maintain harmony to avoid shocking unbelievers, or simply for God to be glorified can unleash God's blessing on our behalf and ultimately give us victory with minimal damage to the relationship or to the group to which we belong.

Read, Genesis 13, Abraham and Lot. That is a case study. The positive resolution in the Lord and the use of certain communication weapons and other things. There is nothing more powerful than putting the gun down and putting it aside in the spirit. That's a grenade you throw at the devil's realm. That is what Christ did on the cross. Instead of looking for angels to fight hell and clean hell, Christ said, you know what? I am going to do something that glorifies me, tie me up, nail me down, make movement impossible, kill me, defeat me, and all that is a tsunami, it is an energy that is going to devastate everything in front of it. That was the secret of Jesus.

Because God's weapons are not only cheap, but are absolutely creative. When you go to the opposite side of what you should do, in the Lord, that unleashes, because the Kingdom of God is counterintuitive. Lots to explain there. That is the key. You let your guard down and pray, get in, turn your face to the wall, instead of the enemy and cry out to God, and send the hosts of angelic power into the situation and you will see. Not only will he get away with it, but he will also bless the other and there will be surrender and defeat for the devil as well and blessing for the Kingdom of God.

The most powerful weapon, yielding in spirit, laying down arms, crying out for the values of the Kingdom of God. Our weapons are not carnal but powerful in God for the destruction of strength. That is the key, the weapons of light, not the weapons of flesh or metal. It is very important.

Brothers, another thing, remember, we don't always have to win. Sometimes recognizing that we are strong in Christ allows us to afford to lose the minor battle in order to preserve an important principle. In addition, it sometimes allows others to grow in their self-esteem or confidence in their own abilities, it also allows others to develop their leadership, to have the opportunity to execute their point of view in a given situation. I'm talking a thousand miles, I understand.

What do I want to say with that? Look, the stronger you are, the more right and need you have to lose. Now that I'm getting into the good stuff, and time is up. Look, the stronger you are, the more you have to lose. Write that because it is very important. The stronger you are, the more you must be willing to lose.

Because? Look, because you walk with a drawer of money, cash, and you can take from that drawer. That drawer has no limit because the hole faces the floor of the sky. Wow, how cute that came out. Please write to me. The drawer has no bottom and you take money and just like that, look, with a full hand, you throw it at people and you don't worry because you immediately took it out, it filled up again. Now, people who think they only have 2.25 in their pocket, will keep that 2.25 with three Doberman dogs around him and don't ask for anything. Now, if you know where someone has a pocket that is about three feet away, because they have so much money, they ask, give me 25 cents. No, man, that 25 cents, take 20 bucks. Now, if you feel weak, a victim, then you believe that I have to win everything. I have to win every argument. I can't let them pass me one.

You know what? As a pastor I have to let them climb on me, scratch my face and do a lot of things to me many times because God has made me strong. you know what? I turn around, go to my office, pray and it magically disappears like the vampires of… a better image came out than that, but the idea is completely cured, I don't lose anything. Because God heals her immediately, because I am using the weapons of the spirit.

The stronger you are, the more you have to lose. Remember that. The weaker you are, the more defensive you are.

Cultivate the image of the victor, not the victim. Cultivate the image that you have a God who fights your battles, blesses you, and that you can afford to be silent a lot, forgive a lot, wait a lot, give a lot, let yourself be defeated a lot, because God tells you, I am going to restore you. everything you lost and I'm going to give it to you with interest. Genesis 13, Abraham and Lot, again.

Again, this is not a matter of little things here and there. It is the psychological, emotional, and spiritual soil that you inhabit, which feeds your interventions and your way of acting. That is why I always resist purely mechanical things, because I always see the universe as systems and many times what we do and say is because the system around us has not changed, the perspective needs to change for the interventions to be adequate.

What God needs to change is my character, my way of seeing the world, my worldview, my way of seeing human relationships, my way of understanding how God works in human situations, the values of the kingdom as powerful as they are. When I understand that my life is linked to 7000 cables that connect me with powerful principles of the universe, then my life is no longer just, oh, what is happening here? This situation, this person, this individual…. No. You understand that there are thousands of energies that are passing through you, and if you want, you can manage and navigate them sitting in your chair, you rule the universe, remember that. That is the key to a healthy life and to growing, growing, growing and becoming more and more like Christ. Amen.

Now we want to give opportunity for questions and answers. We want to make this interactive because I know that in your evaluations it has been something that you have enjoyed being able to ask the pastor questions and see his point of view on specific things. So feel free to do that and we're going to be watching Wilson.

It occurred to me that before we went much further. Did you know? Let's pray for a moment. Stand up for a second. Let's keep silent before the word of the Lord in our lives. I feel that if we, even a tenth of what God tells us through his word, penetrates us, and this has to be an eminently spiritual process. Thanks, Henry. So take a moment and let's ask you, Lord, this that we have declared prophetically, make it real, Father. We are throwing these truths on the floor of our church. Father, I ardently desire as senior pastor of this church, and we desire, that this community be distinguished by reflecting these values, our marriages, our interpersonal relationships, work, certainly church, ministry. My great cry, Lord, make us like Christ. Make us as powerful as Christ and at the same time as fragile as Christ. Make the principles of the cross come true, not just today but as long as this church stands here, as long as its walls stand, until Christ comes, may this community never cease to exemplify, no matter who leads it, those values of your kingdom, Lord. Forgive us, I ask your forgiveness because I do not embody everything that I have taught and forgive us because we do not entrust it as a congregation. Right now there are measures that we ourselves are giving to each other because we have not understood these principles. They are so difficult to integrate, but we acknowledge our sins, Father, we humble ourselves before you. Forgive me, Lord, but I renounce, renounce, renounce the principles of the flesh, of the devil and of the world and we embrace the principles of the kingdom, of the cross, of love, truth, mercy, compassion, forgiveness, funny. Bless the one who curses us, pray for those who persecute us, give time for others to grow and open spaces, know how to lose in the spirit so that Christ may have the victory, his kingdom.

Father, we hand over to you all the elements of conflict that certainly exist, each one of them denies your kingdom, we ask your forgiveness. Help us, help us, help me, help me, help me, Lord. Help us to be peacemakers. I pray for all those who work in this community, Lord, who are places of conflict. I declare, Lord, a pacifying, benevolent anointing, that this is a town that is leaven of blessing, in this city and its surroundings, those who direct groups, departments, schools, places of social service, hospitals, wherever, Father, help us to be peacemakers, peacemakers, exemplify the character of Jesus.

We will not shy away from what you are telling us, Lord. We are not going to make up or disguise it, nor are we going to demonize it, we receive it just as you give it to us. Lord, Lord, sow on this earth the principles of your kingdom. We want to be a community that reflects Jesus. It starts with me, I bless my brothers, their ministries, the way you use them. May the process be as rich and as glorifying of Christ, as the product, Lord. Teach us to be like Jesus. We want to be more like Christ. We want Christ to be formed in us, Lord. Forgive us for still being very far from the goal. But may this community, Lord, exemplify those values, every day more and more and more and more.

Have your way, Lord. Let us be like Jesus. Shape us, kill all that is not in affinity with Christ and the values of his kingdom. We renounce all that contradicts the light in life, and the truth, and the beauty and the harmony, symmetry of your kingdom, Father. We reject it, renounce it and embrace the beauty, the life, the truth, the justice, the righteousness of your kingdom.

Help us, Lord, to be more and more every day and to function as a church and the invisible, visible, public, private, intimate and collective according to the values of your kingdom. Thank you, we beg you, Lord. We cry out to you, Father, because the power to do what we are asking for is not in us, in spirit we alone, nothing more. We receive it, Lord, in the name of Jesus. Amen. Amen.

Thank you. Sit down. Thank you.

If anyone would like to comment.

I have a comment. I approached the pastor right now and every time the pastor announces the food he says, [inaudible], I say, I don't know which part [inaudible] but that we are a team. We have a team that we can serve up to a hundred-odd people and we are just four hands. Without the other hands we cannot. I know that we are a team of many women that the Lord has given them a tremendous talent for cooking because they are very good food and that's why I approached the pastor, because sometimes I feel like [inaudible] I don't like it that way... I do like that he mentions the whole team, because that way there is also no conflict and that is really one…. Because everywhere there is conflict, even in food. So I approached the pastor and said it.

OK. Thank you, it is true, sometimes preventive and proactive communications help to prevent. Amen.

Anyone else, any questions, any concerns? Luis.

[Inaudible] We are people who are under a leader and on many occasions our function can be adjusted positively or negatively if we do not understand the leader's thinking. I think there are things that you said this morning that I think help many people to understand why on some occasions, you act in a certain way or you don't act. We [inaudible] men are fixers, we want to fix things, we want to do them immediately. Women want to do more talking and seeing and…

Organic, 360 degrees.

Exactly, and I think that you as a leader have expressed something this morning something that really helps all of us, because sometimes we as leaders in the church, sometimes we receive voices and we have to [inaudible] that kind of thinking. In other words, Roberto thinks this way, that is, the fact that this morning people understand why the processes are the way they are is important. And I think this is going to be something that is going to revolutionize. You are like a…, I am reading a book now called The Influencer, or the Influencer, and I have really seen examples there that really apply to what you are doing within my community. In other words, each one of us… you are an influencer, you have influenced many people and what this entails is that each one of us also becomes a person who can influence others and this is something that [inaudible] So, I really applaud the way this morning [inaudible] things went.

Thanks, Louis. What you are saying is so powerful and so profound, let me tell you. I had a conversation with a key leader of this church a few days ago, who asked me how I could allow a person who had said one thing to be reinstated in a church ministry. And that decision that I made has caused certain negative reactions in several people. And I had to explain, precisely why it is that I believe that the fact that a person does something with which I deeply disagree, if he does it in a way that is respectful and appropriate, I do not have the right, so to vindictively prevent a restoration. Furthermore, I believe that by doing that, prophetically, I am installing those things of which I am speaking because I am doing it before the Lord.

And many times people do not understand this style of mine that sometimes something is due to cowardice. Sometimes I don't cut off a head it's out of cowardice, but many times it's because I want to implement the values of the kingdom. So it is so important, yes, what you have said, I take the opportunity to apply it more and more because I have a leadership ethic that I have examined and searched for because it is counterintuitive and sometimes it causes me many problems. And sometimes I have to ask myself, Lord, am I proceeding in this way out of cowardice or out of conviction? But usually I conclude, and this is the way I see Christ exercising his leadership.

I am always trying, how I exercised… look at Pedro. How many of us would not have fired Pedro, we would have cut off his head years ago. Look, the worst thing he does is deny his main leader, after three years of investing in him and the Lord, while he is doing it, winks at him that he was not bleeding, and after he is resurrected he calls him. All embarrassed and feeling like crap, and he says, do you love me? Feed my sheep. He tells him three times to give him three chances, three chances to deny him and three chances to tell him that he loves him. And then he reinstates him and makes him the head of his church, humanly speaking. One of the most powerful Apostles of the whole church. And then he writes two letters that are two jewels of that principle of love, suffering, tribulation, patience, all that kind of thing.

One says, how could that rough and rough fisherman write two letters like that? Well, because Christ gave him God knows how many years to perfect himself. And I see Jesus continually doing that, so who am I to believe that I have a better methodology than Jesus. But then people often only judge the superficial aspect, how can they? There are many cases that I could tell you about that.

A person that was once in a public situation here in the church, not doing anything teaching or anything like that. Do you know all the people who came, why do you allow that? Because this person this and that. I don't want to go into too many details. I said, that person up there is a prophetic act of a church that gives people space to heal their wounds, instead of rejecting him and saying, you have no right because you move this way, you do this, you do the other While that person is up there, without me saying anything, I am praying to God, Father, make this church a church of healing and mercy and forgiveness.

you know what? If we do that God bless this church. When she makes mistakes, God will say, because you had grace, I will have grace with you. And these values, brothers, many times unfortunately I do not have the forum as I have now, nor do I sometimes have the right or the freedom to talk to you about all these things, but it is for that reason that many times we allow a number of things. Because I believe that and simply because of that, it is the reason.

Omar, I know that you have something that as a pastor, we are going to give you... there are two pastors there. You raised your hand first. So, you choose, how is this conflict resolved? We'll see.

Someone has a peseta or something, heads or tails, give him Samuel.

The best yet, you know what? You do it.

A quick question pastor, I know that one of the very big challenges when dealing with conflict has to do with fear. Fear that many times one can feel of perhaps offending the other person, or that the other person will feel that one is being disrespected and I know that you made a reference to this, but when I am thinking about the leaders who are above me, the leaders who are equally at my side, what do you think should happen in the mind, in the heart, in the spirit of one that can drive me to overcome that fear and then be able to mesh with the another person?

Ok the fear that I lost you for a second and [inaudible]

The fear that the confrontation that I want to do that the person will interpret as disrespectful to their person or their leadership or their perspective.

It is one of the most difficult things.

How then can I overcome that fear? What has to happen in my mind, in my heart, to overcome that fear and be able to engage?

you know what omar? Most of the time when I make very clear interventions with people like this, I assure you that I am doing it as if I were listening to myself do it. First I have to pray to the Lord for courage, because I don't like to do that. And doing it just like a surgeon who is cutting off a leg to save a patient, it hurts to do it and everything else, but he has to just do it obediently.

There are times when confronting is not the best thing to do at a time, because as I tell you, the patient is not going to listen to what you are saying, nor is he going to speak the language of the truth. there's so much unconscious material in his brain that it's going to prevent him from hearing what you say, so you're wasting your time. Sometimes you have to wait a long time.

Now, when the time came to speak yes, I think one has to do it partly as a prophetic act, where one speaks in the spirit and it is as if one is sending spiritual energy to the spirit of that person, number one. So one is doing it, not as a mere communication of information, but as a prophetic act from spirit to spirit.

Second, I believe that there are a lot of things that one has to do in leadership that are not supported by our emotions. I believe that one of the things that the leader and the spiritually developed person have to learn to do is act less and less out of emotion and more out of conviction. Where you do things in a way almost like... it's like seeing yourself lying down and the ghost rises and you see this thing standing up and talking.

That is, one does it as if it is not me. I am forcing myself and I have prayed before, Lord, give me the words, give me the creative ways to say it, give me the courage, prepare that individual to listen. There are many elements that we can, but partly that prayer and partly I believe that, one trains oneself as an individual, as a human being to say more things every day, not because I have the courage or not, the desire or not, the conviction or not, but simply because it is true and then ask that the character of Christ be manifested through what I am saying.

I don't think that a truly sensitive and pastoral person will ever lose the fear of communicating the truth and of confronting. That is in our hearts, that we want to love. But love, I have found that it has a steel rod as a backbone. As we are real people, we can then communicate the truth in an objective or obedient way, although sometimes our inner being is screaming, don't do it, don't do it, you're going to lose a friend.

But I have also learned that when the moment arrives, if you are convinced that it is the moment, if you do it using one of these things: the right tone, trying to find an organic way to speak to the person, so that they can understand your language, a host of other things, the Lord does amazing things. And sometimes even though that person has not heard what you are saying, over time that seed that you threw into their spirit does the work. But again, it is in obedience, because also the time I tell you, that I suffer while I am taking out each word. I look very natural, but I'm not. That all-important love affair, but a confrontation that is using a number of secret weapons. It seems very natural, but there is an artist behind it using brushes, nuances, keeping quiet, saying this, looking for the context, looking for organic ways to communicate it, giving the person the opportunity to speak and then many times God himself gives the other person the word so then, use that.

Another thing, try to establish a dialogue instead of a monologue. When you give the person an opportunity, then that itself links what you are saying, turn it into something organic, that has a process in it. If you only talk, talk, talk, then it doesn't work, but when that dialogue and God is giving you wisdom and there is internal prayer while you are speaking, and prior. I know that I am shipping a lot of material but all that helps and obedience, obedience, obedience. When the time has come to say something, arm yourself with faith, pray, sweat first and then ask the Lord to give you the capacity and that never fails. It never fails.

Samuel.

Pastor, [inaudible] the last three points….

That they were the most important, in a sense.

And why not as an answer to this question [inaudible]

Well, well, well, well, brief. Let me see if there's something here that isn't… yes, look here, this point is very important, the penultimate one. Cultivate an attitude of benevolence and generosity towards others, instead of continually seeking to serve ourselves and protect our own interests.

The world operates on the principle of law, which inevitably leads to conflict. The follower of Jesus Christ operates according to the principle of grace, which leads to harmony and peace among human beings.

Look, brothers, one of the words that has worked the most in my life at this time, is in Philippians 4:5. That word has revolutionized my life. There the Apostle Paul says:

"... Your kindness be known to all men...."

And I was like, wow, kindness, there's got to be something behind that word. And I went to the original Greek and the word is epieikes. Those who have the ability to go to the Internet put in Google epieikes, because in the original Greek they will get comments in English, in Spanish, maybe I don't know.

It is a more powerful and richer word than I have found in all of Scripture. Gentleness. The commentators of the Greek say that it is a word that there is no translation for it, only in the Greek is everything that it means understood. But I would translate it grace, sympathy, generosity. It's when you give someone what they don't deserve and you don't give them what they deserve. It's grandpa's word, I'd say. It is the word that has lived so long that it has benevolence towards the offender. It is the word that assumes good things in others before assuming bad things. It is the word that he wants to give before taking. It is the word that is always ready to assign people positivity instead of negativity. It is the word of generosity and love, preventive forgiveness, believing that there is something good under the rubble of a destroyed life. It is the word that always sees Christ hidden under the flesh. It is the word that sees in the Samaritan woman a potential evangelist and gives her time to talk to her and find out who she is, and that she spends time with her. Thanks, epikes.

What the Apostle Paul is saying is, brothers, the Christian must distinguish himself. This church should, as much as possible, try to distinguish itself by being a nice church. Sympathy is another word, sympathy, empathy. It is the word of generosity, grace. And I believe that God put that jewel in there, “…your gentleness be known to all men…” There's a whole sermon there. The Lord is near.

You know that Christ is close to you or is close to his coming, you can be generous. That's why I tell you, it depends on the context, the action. So, that is what I want to say here, I want, in my life, and that this church and my ministry be characterized by being a ministry of grace, not cheap grace, but generous grace, powerful grace and that all our interventions, everything I do reflects that. It's a long way from being, but that's my goal. So that must be the important thing.

The English speakers, you're going to have preferential treatment here, if anybody has a question or comment, we want to give you first choice.

[Inaudible]

We are talking about that. Here's another microphone. Have two available so we can do it then. You're looking at it right now? How good is Google.

How many have a computer at home? How many use the Internet? I encourage others to learn, it is very important for their leadership.

[Inaudible] why am I not happy? Why don't I feel good about myself? Why don't I feel peace inside of me? Why can't I sleep at night? Those are all questions that this word brings up. So, and why do I have insomnia and wake up and have ideas and what happened many years ago comes to mind?

Then why? Because he's not practicing epieikes. It's the idea. I have always said, look, the best recipe for emotional health is to be a person of grace. The neurotic person, the person uncomfortable with himself and with the world, is because he is not practicing grace and mercy. I have always said that the recipe for good mental and emotional health is epiekes, grace, kindness, love, interestingly. Judgment never gives mental and emotional health.

Yes, Angel.

Regularly an abnormal situation produces an abnormal reaction. And an angry situation produces an angry situation, produces an angry response. How can one go about understanding at the time of conflict what feelings are flowing and how to minimize those feelings and focus on conflict resolution?

Let me tell you one thing, is that everything that I am saying here, this has to come out, to surface as a result of a life lived in subjection to the principles of the Gospel and with a firm resolution to become a spiritual giant at the end of our life. day in the world. A life that relentlessly pursues emotional and spiritual maturity, a life whose sole purpose is to be more and more like Christ each day and that never shies away from a single opportunity to put into practice the values of the Kingdom of God. There is what I would say, and hopefully I can, because I am going to use it to write a little.

What I mean by that is look, this is all the result of years…. Why does Solomon say that the man who controls himself is more powerful than the man who controls a city? Because the most difficult thing is your learning to govern yourself and your impulses. When everything in you is screaming, neutralize this person, because you know something that will silence them, about their life. Neutralize her with that word that you know will humiliate her and leave her on the floor and inside you say, no way. I can never do that, because I am great in the spiritual sense and God has given me a lot of strength and I have to keep quiet because if I hit that little boy who is scratching me, I will destroy him and I am 50 years old and I don't I can do that.

So, the idea is that, that... what I am saying here, this behavior is the result of a continuous life working on these principles. This is going to take years. It has taken me so many years and even when I die I will only be doing half of what I am preaching here. It is a continuous thing, but when you know these things, then you practice them in incremental and small and meticulous ways, in traffic, at work, in marriage, with children, with friends, twenty thousand ways because you have an ethic, I want to reflect this in my life, in my life, so, every opportunity... as I was saying with Matt, that opportunity that he has to improve his Spanish, he takes it. So it's the way. One always has to be distinguishing what opportunity I have to give that little devil that is inside of me one more tap, and generate more of the little Christ that is in me, make it bigger.

I think it's the only way, because you're listening to this and it's going to take us a long time. It's like the pianist who wants to play a complex Bach piece, who has to spend all his hours doing scales, six, eight hours a day, boring scales. And you see it there, at that glorious, culminating moment of his musical career, behind it there is a whole 99% of the pyramid is underground and that is practice, daily, daily, daily practice.

The only way for one to become a spiritual giant, I believe, a saint, in the powerful sense of the word is through continually, an ethic that I am going to polish, polish, polish my life and make it more and more more like Christ. Because if you, if what you have are these truths stuck with scotch tape in your brain because you heard it here in a manual and 12 hours of teaching one weekend. No, that then has to get in like vitamins, through a long time of taking them a medicinal sediment is established in your system and that is transmitted granite by granite through the entire system, over months and months .

That has to be continuous. It's a system and it's not the answer maybe quick but I don't know if I'm making sense. That is all one life, one life, one life, a tremendously complex but wonderful system.

Pastor, first of all thank you for the privilege of being part of the congregation. We do the work of the finance class with Crown, in the way that the program you have taught has a series of requirements and rules that the leaders must endorse practically speaking, although we are instructed to be gracious and to do everything with love, there are situations where you have to ask a person to the point of telling them that this is not a good time to take the class, because they are violating all the changes. So, I don't know... I think my question is where one draws the line, because one is exposed to disagreements and suddenly that mind to play with things and even with the same leaders I thank them for being patient with me, but sometimes Sometimes there are contradictions and then someone has to bring an order.

Noah, the line does not exist and if it does exist it changes its location, not only from day to day, but from minute to minute. And that's why it's so hard to truly be a creative leader. One has to be discerning situation, context, person, spirit, oneself. That is something tremendously poignant and dynamic as is the physical reality of the universe, where what for one person will require sharp discipline, for another will be a little more….

Look at the story of Jesus' parable. The vineyard that does not produce. And the gardener comes every day and can't find a product, and he says, cut it down, why is it taking up space there? And then the owner tells him, no, leave it a little while longer, to see if it bears fruit and if not, then cut it down.

Do you see how powerful I tell you? It is the beginning, because it is there as a sign for the dynamic process of the Holy Spirit, the law, grace, mercy, time. Give it time, otherwise cut it. Now how long was it, who knows? It doesn't tell us. But you have to discern because there are situations as Omar said, there are situations that you are going to have to know that you have to talk about this, you have to put an end to it, you have to confront it, you have to take a more active, more proactive measure.

In other cases you have to know that we are going to give it a little more time to see if it produces fruit. So, I think that, look, I think that... and you know that I don't necessarily characterize myself either by staying silent at all. How many people feel like me because they have also been the object of my active interventions. I have a list of people to whom I owe. I look at them and I don't want to look at many because… but I am very aware. When I walk through the corridors on Sundays, when I see those faces that I look at and they stay that way. It's like a slaughtered ram, looking at me and saying, look what you did to me? Gives you no shame? They stay that way, they hide it, but I know everything I owe them. And that is continuous.

Because? Because we're also not, you know, do what you want, this and that. No, there is order too. But it is a tension, it is a tension that every day will be different. Hence this matter of creating maturity, discernment, authority of the spirit, patience, discerning what God is saying to us. I believe that the truth is that the left side of the brain is as important as the right, it is a complementarity. So, there are times when you have to also say, you know what, brother? Come next semester because I see that it is not the time now. And that person is going to leave furious, upset, hurt. But if you know that you prayed, you examined yourself in the light of the word, you gave yourself time, you sought divine direction, you consulted with other leaders, you threw your coordinates to different points of reference in the kingdom and return everything, saying, proceed. So, go ahead, and commend your cause to the Lord. If you messed up, you did everything you could.

I would say, the leader carries wounds all his life. That is why I tell you that if one does not have a deep, powerful prayer life and their identity is rooted in God, and their self-esteem, forget that you are going to be a vane in the wind. You're going to be looking for people to tell you what they want, no. Because? Because when you do what God and the spirit say, you are going to have wounds wherever you want, you are going to have where God and continually heal. I did everything I could, I had to do this. God knows and you move on, because not everything in the kingdom is yes, yes, yes. No way, then there is no kingdom. Christ, the most loving, most merciful, most patient, implacable being. That's what I admire about him, terribly. You don't know which spirit you belong to, he tells his disciples when they say, do you want us to throw fire at him? They are from the devil what they are saying. What you are asking of me is diabolical. Christ had a terrible, terrible ability to tell the truth.

We have had the desire to be fair and time….

My question is in relation to conflict resolution, many times we put the dust under the rug, as they say, and it is a very easy way to resolve them, to put them under the rug.

It ends up smelling bad.

And we left it there for a while. What do you recommend that one do, for example, in a situation like church, where there is a lot of dust under the rug, I imagine, from many ministries, what would be a prudent way to...?

What I'm saying, Jonathan, process, talk things out. And welcome managed conflict, creative conflict, or kingdom controlled conflict. That is, there are processes. In churches there are no processes, in marriages many times there is no process. They quarreled, twenty thousand things were said, all of that stayed there, then each one goes their own way, they don't speak to each other for three days, on the fourth day then they begin to speak to each other and on the fifth, sixth day they are talking regularly, but That rubbish remained stuck in the subconscious and in the marriage system. So there was no healing.

Now, if they force to speak about it, they force, force, force and they have already developed how to dance in that context, then it is treated, it is talked about and then it has been resolved, let's move on. But it's terrible when things are swept under the rug. And it's what happens in many churches and in many systems where things… dialogue, conflict, tension, communicating different perspectives are not welcomed, so there's never any growth because all you have is horrible accounts payable. long. It's already so long, it's like when you owe twenty thousand dollars at 18% interest. When does one pay that, 125 dollars a week or a month? Never. The banks know that and that is why…

So what happens when you don't resolve the conflict takes interest, and then the debt gets bigger and bigger. That is why it must be resolved and dealt with and promote process, communication and dialogue. Pastora Meche, you have the absolute right to speak at any time.

[Inaudible] into practice what we're learning today. In other words, the easiest thing is for one to say, oh, I have a problem, I'm going to Roberto's for Roberto to solve it for me. And that's not what we have to do. Each of us in our place, because that is where it is best resolved. It is much easier for you to call the chapter and say, Let's talk, there is a matter that we have pending. We are going to solve it when the person is his supervisor, or immediate leader, which is Roberto, who comes separated from the situation without knowing all the elements to [inaudible]. So I encourage you to take all of this, to memorize it, to practice it, to learn it because it will serve you in all areas of your life, including here at church.

Taking advantage of the fact that Meche is saying there, look, we, there are married couples who say, between us there has never been a yes or a no, between Meche and I there have been yes, no, possibly, probably, etc. we have had conflict situations throughout our married life, we always try to practice that: talk it out, not let it escalate to an irresolvable point, try not to say hurtful words that close the door to reconciliation. There are times when one says a word and no matter how much you try to take it back, always think that you want a solution and healing and there are words and expressions and things that prevent a final reconciliation. So use that like you use the atomic bomb, only as an absolute last resort.

How many decades were Russia and the United States in total tension. They never used nuclear war, because they knew. We use nuclear weapons continuously so we destroy, destroy, destroy and how difficult it is to heal afterwards.

So one of the things that we, Monday when we go to lunch, when we are at home, twenty thousand ways we are always talking, men talking, talking in order to maintain sanity in the marriage. It's not that there's no difference of opinion, it's not that there's no conflict, there's an ethic of resolution, communication and seeking the truth and seeking healing and keeping the marriage healthy, because it's ultimately… the most important thing is that the marriage be healthy until I win or she wins. That is why you have to put the highest principle first and say, what do I want? Get away with it or the ministry prosper? So always look for the highest, with that as a rule, resolve your conflicts with that point